I used to think manipulation was something you’d only see in spy movies—the dramatic schemes, the secret agendas.
But in real life, it’s far more subtle, especially when it comes to gaslighting.
I’ve felt it before, that nagging feeling that something was off but not being able to put my finger on it.
It wasn’t until I looked back, connecting the dots, that I realized how carefully I’d been led to doubt my own reality.
Gaslighting isn’t always glaringly obvious—it sneaks in, little by little, until you’re second-guessing things you once knew for certain.
But the signs are there if you know what to look for. Let’s break them down, one by one, because the more you understand these tactics, the harder they are to pull off.
1) You’re constantly second-guessing yourself
One surefire sign you’re being gaslit by a high-level manipulator is the spiraling self-doubt.
Gaslighters are masters of deception, subtly crafting situations that make you question your own judgement.
They’ll twist the truth and manipulate facts in such a way that you’ll start doubting your own memory, perception, or sanity.
You might find yourself constantly second-guessing your decisions, your feelings, even your own sense of reality. This is not normal.
Feeling like you’re always on the wrong or doubting your own intuition are red flags that you might be a victim of gaslighting.
Watch out for these signs and trust your gut. After all, nobody knows you better than you do.
2) They twist your words
This is a tricky one and I’ve personally experienced it.
I remember when I would express my feelings to a friend about something they did that upset me.
Instead of acknowledging and addressing the issue, they would twist my words around, making it seem like I was the one at fault.
“I can’t believe you’re blaming me for this,” they’d say, or “You’re looking for problems where there are none.” Suddenly, I was left feeling like I had done something wrong by simply expressing my feelings.
Over time, this constant twisting of words made me hesitant to share my thoughts or feelings with them.
And, trust me, that’s a clear sign you’re being manipulated and gaslit. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it’s crucial to recognize it for what it is – gaslighting.
3) They deny their actions, even when confronted with proof
High-level manipulators are experts in denial.
They might do something that hurts you and then deny it ever happened, even when confronted with hard proof.
This form of gaslighting is designed to make you question your own memory and perception.
Interestingly, people who frequently tell lies, including denying their own actions, are more manipulative and engage in deceitful behaviors more than the average person.
This tactic is not only dishonest but also incredibly damaging to your sense of reality. It’s important to trust your own experiences, even when someone else tries to convince you otherwise.
4) They make you feel guilty for things out of your control
Guilt is a powerful tool in the hands of a manipulator.
A high-level gaslighter may often make you feel guilty for things that are beyond your control.
This could be anything from blaming you for their own failures to making you feel responsible for their negative emotions.
Suddenly, you are the reason for their unhappiness or the cause of their problems, despite having no control over these situations.
This manipulative strategy is designed to make you feel powerless and dependent on them.
Remember, it’s not your job to fix someone else’s life. If you find yourself constantly feeling guilty for things out of your control, you might be dealing with a manipulator.
5) They dismiss your feelings
Dismissing someone’s feelings is a classic sign of manipulation.
If you’re dealing with a high-level gaslighter, they might frequently belittle or outright dismiss your feelings.
Whether it’s a trivial matter or a serious concern, they’ll make it seem like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.
This tactic serves to invalidate your feelings and experiences, making you feel like you’re the problem.
It’s a way for them to avoid responsibility and keep control over you.
6) They isolate you from your support system
This one is particularly heartbreaking.
Psychologists warn us that high-level manipulators often seek to isolate you from your loved ones. They’ll plant seeds of doubt in your mind about your friends and family, making you question their intentions or loyalty.
It might start subtly, with offhand comments about how your best friend doesn’t really care about you, or how your family is always criticizing you.
The goal is to make you feel alone and vulnerable, dependent solely on them. It’s a way to gain control and power over you.
A loving relationship encourages strong bonds with others, not break them. If you find yourself increasingly isolated from your support system, it could be a major sign of gaslighting.
7) You’re always the “crazy” one
I still remember the day I was called “crazy”. It wasn’t just a joke. It was a label, a way to dismiss my feelings and concerns.
Every time I would bring up an issue or express how I feel, I was labeled as “crazy”, “paranoid” or “overreacting”.
My feelings were not taken seriously, instead they were used against me to make me feel like I was the one with the problem.
This is a common gaslighting technique. By labeling you as the “crazy” one, a gaslighter tries to invalidate your feelings and experiences.
It’s a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to keep you in a state of confusion and self-doubt.
Expressing your feelings does not make you “crazy”. If someone constantly labels you this way, it’s likely that they’re trying to manipulate you.
8) They shower you with affection, then withdraw it abruptly
This is a tricky one, because it’s quite easy to misinterpret.
A high-level manipulator may often shower you with affection, making you feel cherished and loved.
Then, just as suddenly, they withdraw this affection, leaving you feeling confused and desperate for their approval.
This hot-cold behavior is a manipulative tactic designed to keep you on your toes, always seeking their approval and validation.
It keeps you hooked, always yearning for those moments of affection amidst the confusion and self-doubt.
However, genuine affection isn’t a game of push and pull.
If someone’s love feels like it’s given out on a whim or used as a control mechanism, it’s likely a sign of manipulation.
9) They use your insecurities against you
A high-level manipulator is like a predator sniffing out your insecurities and using them as a weapon against you.
They might bring up your insecurities during arguments or use them to belittle you. This is not only cruel, but it’s also a way to keep you feeling insecure and dependent on them.
It’s a manipulative tactic designed to keep you in a state of self-doubt, where you’re more likely to yield to their control.
No one who genuinely cares about you would exploit your insecurities for their own gain.
If someone consistently uses your insecurities against you, it’s a clear sign of manipulation.
10) Your gut tells you something is wrong
Trust your instincts.
If you constantly feel like something is off, it’s likely because it is. Deep down, we often know when we’re being manipulated, even if we can’t put our finger on exactly what’s happening.
Pay attention to how you feel around this person.
If you often feel anxious, confused, or doubting your own sanity, it could very well be a sign of gaslighting.
Your feelings and intuition are valid. Don’t dismiss them. Listen to them. They might just be trying to protect you.
Final thoughts
Here’s the thing about manipulation: it thrives in silence and confusion. Once you start learning the signs, you’re already taking back control.
I’ve learned that trusting your instincts is like a superpower you didn’t know you had.
When something feels wrong, it usually is. The tricky part is believing in yourself enough to see it through.
But it’s not just awareness of the manipulator that matters—it’s awareness of yourself. Your feelings, your experiences, your truth—they all matter, no matter what anyone tries to tell you.
So, if you’re stuck in the whirlpool of gaslighting, know this: it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to walk away.
And it’s okay to trust that you’re stronger than the confusion they want you to live in. Because at the end of the day, the most important person you can trust is you.
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