It’s no secret that childhood shapes the adults we become.
The freedom some of my friends had growing up—late bedtimes, no curfews, and an endless “do what feels right” philosophy—always seemed like the dream to me.
But as we got older, I noticed something interesting: that same freedom left many of them grappling with things like self-discipline and decision-making, challenges I hadn’t considered at the time.
Our parents’ approach, whether strict or laid-back, leaves its mark on us in ways we don’t always recognize until adulthood.
If you were raised in a more relaxed household, you might find yourself carrying traits that echo that upbringing.
Let’s unpack nine characteristics that often emerge from a laid-back parenting style and explore what they might mean for your personal growth.
1) Struggle with self-discipline
Growing up with relaxed rules and minimal boundaries often leads to a lack of self-discipline in adulthood.
You see, strict parents often instill a sense of discipline by setting clear boundaries and consequences for crossing them.
In contrast, psychology says, complacent parents may allow their children to do as they please, resulting in kids who never truly learn the importance of discipline.
This trait becomes evident in adulthood when these individuals struggle to meet deadlines, maintain healthy habits or stick to routines.
They may often procrastinate and leave tasks until the last minute because they never had to deal with the consequences of delaying work as children.
2) Difficulty setting personal boundaries
Personal boundaries are something many of us struggle with, and I’m no exception.
Growing up, my parents were on the more lax side. They hardly ever interfered with my decisions or set strict rules.
While this allowed me a great deal of freedom, it also meant that I wasn’t very good at setting personal boundaries.
When I started my first job right out of college, I had a boss who would regularly dump his workload on me at the last minute.
Because I had never learned to set boundaries, I found it difficult to say no and ended up working late nights and weekends to complete his work on top of mine.
Over time, it became clear that this was affecting not only my work-life balance but also my mental health. I realized that I needed to learn to set boundaries.
If you, like me, were brought up by complacent parents, you might also struggle with setting personal boundaries.
However, establishing clear boundaries is essential for our wellbeing and can be learned – it’s never too late to start setting healthy limits.
3) Tendency towards passive behavior
Parents who are complacent and lax often unintentionally encourage passive behavior in their children.
In psychology, passivity is associated with a lack of assertiveness, where individuals may avoid expressing their feelings or defending their rights.
Usually, people who grew up with permissive parents are more likely to be passive in their adult relationships.
They were less likely to voice their opinions, express dissatisfaction, or stand up for themselves when treated poorly.
This tendency towards passivity can impact many areas of adult life – from personal relationships to professional settings.
If you find yourself being overly passive, remember that assertiveness is a skill that can be learned and cultivated. Try to find a balance between respecting others’ rights and standing up for your own.
4) Difficulty making decisions
When parents are too relaxed in their parenting style, children often grow up without experiencing the consequences of making wrong decisions.
As a result, psychologists claim, they might struggle with poor decision making skills.
Often, these individuals find themselves feeling overwhelmed when they’re faced with choices, big or small. They may constantly second-guess themselves and struggle with the fear of making the wrong choice.
If you find yourself paralyzed by indecision, recognizing this trait can be the first step towards improvement.
Making decisions is a part of life, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. Every decision – good or bad – is an opportunity to learn and grow.
5) Prone to procrastination
Another common trait seen in people raised by complacent parents is a tendency to procrastinate.
Without strict deadlines or punishments for late work, children may grow up without developing a sense of urgency. This can translate into a habit of pushing tasks off until the last minute in adulthood.
Procrastination can impact various aspects of life, from work to personal projects. It might initially seem harmless, but it often leads to increased stress and reduced productivity.
If you find yourself constantly procrastinating, it might be time to evaluate your habits and find ways to manage your time more effectively.
It’s not always easy, but breaking the cycle of procrastination can lead to increased productivity and reduced stress in the long run.
6) Craving for structure and routine
Growing up with complacent parents often means growing up without much structure or routine. For some, this can lead to a deep-seated craving for structure as adults.
Living every day without a set plan or routine can be exciting as a child.
However, as we grow older, we start to understand the importance of structure in our lives. It brings a sense of security and helps us manage our time effectively.
Some people might find themselves drawn towards careers or relationships that offer the structure they missed out on as children.
They might feel more comfortable with predictability and order in their daily life.
If you find yourself constantly seeking structure, know that this is your way of providing what you missed out on in your childhood.
Embrace it, but also remember to leave room for spontaneity and flexibility – they’re just as important in life.
7) Fear of failure
Growing up with lax parents often meant I had the freedom to explore and make mistakes without severe consequences. However, this lack of discipline also meant that I didn’t learn how to handle failure effectively.
When I started pursuing my career, I found myself terrified of making mistakes.
I was so afraid of failing that I often held myself back from taking risks or stepping out of my comfort zone. This fear of failure hindered my personal and professional growth for a while.
If you, like me, are afraid of failing, understand that it’s a common trait among those brought up by complacent parents.
But failure is not a sign of weakness or incompetence. It’s a stepping stone to success and a chance to learn and grow. Overcoming this fear requires time and patience, but it’s definitely worth it in the end.
8) Struggle with authority
Children brought up by lax parents often have difficulty dealing with authority figures in adulthood.
Without strict rules or discipline at home, these individuals may not learn to respect or respond to authority appropriately. This can lead to disagreements and conflicts in professional settings or any situation where hierarchy is involved.
If you find yourself constantly clashing with authority figures, it’s essential to recognize this trait and work on it.
Understanding and respecting the role of authority doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything. It’s enough to communicate effectively and find a middle ground when disagreements arise.
9) Developing resilience
Despite the challenges, individuals brought up by complacent parents often develop a remarkable sense of resilience.
Growing up without strict boundaries or guidance, they learn to navigate the world on their own. They become self-reliant, adaptable and resilient, able to bounce back from setbacks and face challenges head-on.
Resilience is not a trait to be overlooked. It’s a life skill that not only helps you cope with life’s challenges but also enables you to thrive despite them.
If you’ve developed this trait, acknowledge it, appreciate it, and use it to your advantage.
Final thoughts
When I think back to my friends with laid-back parents, I see a mix of challenges and strengths in the adults they’ve become.
Some struggled with procrastination or boundaries, while others thrived on the adaptability and resilience their upbringing instilled in them.
The truth is, our childhood is only part of the story. It doesn’t have to define who we are—it just gives us a starting point.
Recognizing the traits we’ve picked up along the way is like looking at a roadmap: it shows us where we’ve been, but it’s up to us to choose where to go next.
Self-awareness isn’t always comfortable, but it’s empowering. Whether it’s learning self-discipline, embracing structure, or leaning into the resilience you’ve developed, the opportunity for growth is always there.
After all, our past may shape us, but it’s what we do with that knowledge that truly defines us.
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