8 tiny things that are harming your relationship (without you realizing it)

I’ve spent years studying the subtle dynamics of relationships. I’ve noticed that it’s not always the big fights or obvious issues that cause the most harm.

Often, it’s the small habits or overlooked behaviors that are slowly eroding your connection.

In this post, I’m going to highlight 8 of these tiny things that could be harming your relationship without you even realizing it.

These are things we all do, often without thinking, but they can have a profound impact on our relationships.

So, let’s dive in and see if you spot any familiar behaviors.

1) Lack of appreciation

Often, we get so comfortable in our relationships that we start taking our partners for granted.

This is something I’ve seen time and again in my years as a relationship expert. We assume our partners know how much we love and appreciate them, so we stop expressing it.

But let me tell you, there’s immense power in saying “thank you” or “I appreciate you”. These small phrases can reinforce the bond between you and your partner.

This is well backed up by experts. According to John Gottman, for instance, a renowned relationship researcher, the key to a happy marriage lies in what some refer to as the “Gottman ratio.”

His research found that for every negative interaction in a relationship, there should be five positive ones to maintain a strong, satisfying connection.

Neglecting to express appreciation can tip this balance, leading to feelings of being undervalued and unloved, which can eventually foster resentment.

2) Neglecting ‘me’ time

Have you ever found yourself feeling overwhelmed in your relationship like you’re losing a part of yourself?

In my own journey, I’ve learned that maintaining your individuality is crucial for a balanced relationship. It’s essential to have time and space for yourself, to pursue your hobbies, hang out with friends, or just unwind alone.

Neglecting ‘me’ time can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment.

Ensure you both have enough time apart to grow as individuals. This will not only keep your relationship fresh but also make the time you spend together more meaningful.

3) Overdependence

It’s natural to rely on your partner for emotional support and companionship. But when reliance turns into overdependence, it can strain your relationship.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I explore how to maintain a healthy balance between dependence and independence in relationships.

Overdependence can lead to feelings of being trapped or burdened. It’s vital that both partners feel free to express their individuality and not feel obligated to fulfill every need of the other person.

4) Avoiding arguments

This one might surprise you.

Many of us grow up believing that arguments are a bad sign. We think that a peaceful relationship is a perfect one.

But the truth is, disagreements are inevitable when two individuals share their lives.

Avoiding arguments means suppressing your feelings and needs, which can lead to resentment and distance. It’s healthier to express your disagreements and work through them together.

It’s not about win or lose; it’s about understanding each other better. As noted by Jennifer A. Samp, a Professor of Communication Studies, “Conflict should not be seen as a threat—rather, it is an event that can help your relationship evolve and grow and help you get to know your partner better.”

Next time you feel the urge to bottle up your feelings to avoid an argument, take a step back and express your thoughts calmly and respectfully. It might be challenging at first, but with time, it can strengthen your bond.

5) Ignoring the small things

When we first fall in love, we celebrate the little things: the way they laugh, their morning coffee routine, and how they brush their hair away from their face. But as time passes, these small things often fade into the background.

I’ve been guilty of this, too. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget to notice these little things that make our partners unique.

Ignoring these small things can make your partner feel unseen or neglected. It’s important to keep celebrating what makes them unique.

6) Letting intimacy slide

This is a tough one to talk about, but it’s crucial. When life gets busy or stressful, intimacy is often the first thing to slide.

Whether it’s physical closeness or emotional vulnerability, maintaining intimacy is essential for a healthy relationship. Without it, you risk drifting apart and losing your connection.

I know it can be uncomfortable to bring up, especially if you’ve been together for a while. But ignoring the issue won’t make it go away.

So have that difficult conversation. Make time for each other. Keep the spark alive. It might feel awkward at first, but I promise it’s worth the effort.

7) Lack of communication

Here’s a fact for you: according to Forbes, almost 60% of couples who divorce say “lack of compatibility” was a reason for their split.

How in the world does this happen? I mean, how do people who are incompatible get married in the first place?

Lack of communication, that’s how.

When couples don’t communicate effectively, they miss out on truly understanding each other’s values, goals, and expectations.

Early on, small differences might seem insignificant, but without open dialogue, these issues can grow and fester over time. What starts as a minor misunderstanding can evolve into a perceived lack of compatibility, leading to feelings of disconnect and dissatisfaction.

Communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about actively listening, being open, and ensuring that both partners feel heard and understood.

Without it, even the most seemingly compatible couples can drift apart, as their unspoken needs and unresolved issues build up like a ticking time bomb.

8) Holding onto past mistakes

We all make mistakes in relationships. It’s part of being human. But holding onto past mistakes—either your own or your partner’s—can be incredibly damaging.

When we hold on to past errors, we create a cycle of blame and resentment. This not only prevents healing but also stunts the growth of your relationship.

Trust me, I know it’s tough to let go. We’ve all been there. But holding onto the past can rob you of the joy of the present and the potential of the future.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the mistake. It means accepting what happened, learning from it, and moving forward. It’s a courageous act of love toward your partner—and toward yourself.

Conclusion

Relationships are a journey, not a destination. They require constant nurturing and understanding.

And often, it’s the tiny things that can make the biggest difference.

I hope this article has shed some light on those small, often overlooked aspects that might be harming your relationship.

Remember, awareness is the first step towards change.

For more insights on maintaining healthy relationships and overcoming codependency, check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

Take care of your relationships, and remember to keep love at the core of everything you do. Here’s to healthier, happier relationships for all of us!