Life — it’s more than just the daily grind, more than waking up, working, and then going back to bed only to repeat the cycle.
It’s about experiencing emotions, creating connections, and pursuing passions.
As a psychologist, I can tell you that truly living life goes beyond merely existing. It’s about being present and fully engaged in each moment, not just going through the motions.
So how can you tell if you’re actually living or just existing?
There are specific indicators that can shed light on this, and in this article, I’m going to share 9 of them with you.
1) You’re stuck in routine
Life is dynamic, unpredictable, and filled with spontaneity.
Yet, if you find yourself caught in a never-ending cycle of the same activities, day in and day out, without any variation or excitement, you may be merely existing.
It’s like being on autopilot – you’re going through the motions but not truly engaged or responsive to the world around you. This is a clear sign that you’re merely existing and not fully living your life.
Sure, routines can provide comfort and stability, but life is meant to be experienced beyond the bounds of familiarity.
It’s about trying new things, seeking out different experiences, and challenging yourself.
If your days are blending into one another due to monotonous repetition, it might be time to take a step back and reevaluate.
After all, truly living means embracing change and unpredictability as part of your journey.
2) You’re disconnected from your emotions
Emotions are the colors of life. They paint our experiences with shades of joy, sadness, anger, love, and everything in between.
But what if you’re consistently feeling indifferent or detached from your emotions?
Psychologists often talk about a concept called “emotional numbness”. It’s when you’re disconnected from your feelings to the point where you’re unable to feel joy or sadness.
According to the Newport Institute, “Emotional numbness is typically an unconscious protective response to feeling difficult emotions, whether due to anxiety, stress or trauma.”
While it may indeed protect us from pain, unfortunately, it also robs us of everything that makes life worth living.
Life becomes a flat line of monotone experiences, devoid of the highs and lows that make it vibrant and meaningful.
Recognize this in yourself? It might be an indicator that you’re not fully engaged with life. After all, emotions are an integral part of our human experience, and living life means being open to feeling them in their full intensity.
3) You’re avoiding risks and new experiences
Interestingly, being disconnected from emotions can often lead to risk aversion.
Why? Because taking risks and trying new things often provoke strong emotions – excitement, fear, anticipation. If you’re avoiding these experiences, it could be because you’re attempting to maintain that emotional flatline.
Look, a truly lived life requires stepping out of your comfort zone. It’s about confronting your fears, embracing uncertainty, and being open to the possibility of failure.
Yes, taking risks can be scary. It can lead to disappointment or failure. But it can also lead to significant growth, joy, and fulfillment.
In essence, if you’re consistently playing it safe and sticking to what’s comfortable and familiar, you might be merely existing rather than truly living. Remember, life is an adventure, and adventures require a bit of risk-taking.
4) You’re not investing in relationships
Are your relationships fulfilling or do they feel superficial?
Relationships are the cornerstone of a well-lived life. They provide love, support, and a sense of belonging.
However, if you find yourself holding back from forming deep, meaningful connections with people, it could be a sign that you’re not fully living.
Study after study has shown the importance of social bonds in our overall wellbeing. We are social creatures, after all.
Engaging in meaningful relationships doesn’t just mean having a large social circle. It’s about the quality of the connections we have. It’s about sharing experiences, offering support, and growing together.
If your relationships lack depth and intimacy, you might be merely existing in your social life rather than truly living it.
5) You’re neglecting self-care
Self-care is an essential element of a well-lived life. It’s about honoring your needs and taking time to rest, rejuvenate, and care for your physical, emotional and mental well-being.
However, merely existing can often mean neglecting this vital aspect of life. Here’s what this might look like:
- Skipping meals or eating unhealthy food frequently
- Not getting enough sleep or rest
- Ignoring emotional distress or physical discomfort
- Not setting boundaries in work or relationships
In essence, neglecting self-care is a clear sign that you’re not fully invested in your own life.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Caring for yourself isn’t just about maintaining health; it’s a fundamental act of love towards oneself and an indication of truly living.
6) You’re ignoring your dreams and passions
Let’s be honest, life is too short to ignore our dreams and passions.
I often come across people who have shelved their aspirations, choosing to merely exist in a life that doesn’t fulfill them.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned as a psychologist, it’s that pursuing what you love is a key part of truly living.
Think about it – when we engage in activities we’re passionate about, we’re fully present. We’re more enthusiastic, more alive.
But when we’re merely existing, we tend to disregard these passions. We tell ourselves that we’re too busy, or that our dreams are unrealistic.
It’s important to remember that no dream is too big or small when it comes to living life to the fullest. So, if you’ve been ignoring your passions, it might be a sign that you’re not truly living.
Let’s honor our dreams and make space for them in our lives. After all, they are the sparks that ignite the fire of life.
7) You’re not present in the moment
Imagine you’re at a concert, your favorite band is playing and the crowd is buzzing with energy. But instead of enjoying the music, soaking up the atmosphere, you’re thinking about the work you have to do tomorrow.
Does this sound familiar?
Living in the past or future, instead of the present moment, is a common sign of merely existing. It’s like watching life pass by while you’re stuck in your thoughts.
Ask yourself: How often do you find yourself lost in thought rather than fully engaged in what you’re doing?
If the answer is ‘often’, it might be a sign that you’re not truly living. After all, life happens in the present moment. To truly live is to be fully present, engaged, and responsive to each moment as it unfolds.
8) You’re not celebrating small victories
Early in my career as a psychologist, I remember a client who was battling depression. He was a writer and had recently published his first book.
But instead of celebrating this milestone, he was already stressing about his next book.
The joy of his accomplishment was lost in the pressure of what came next. He was merely existing through his achievements, not truly living them.
That’s when I realized the importance of celebrating small victories.
Each accomplishment, no matter how small, is a testament to your hard work and dedication. It’s a piece of the puzzle that makes up your life.
Merely existing often means overlooking these moments in the rush to reach bigger goals. But truly living involves acknowledging these milestones and taking the time to appreciate them.
Remember, life isn’t just about the major successes. It’s about appreciating every step you take on your journey.
So, if you find yourself constantly chasing the next big thing without appreciating the small victories, it might be a sign that you’re not fully living your life.
9) You’re lacking a sense of purpose
And here we reach the final sign – a lack of purpose.
Purpose is the compass that guides us in life. It gives us direction, fuels our motivation, and brings meaning to our actions.
But when you’re merely existing, that sense of purpose often gets lost. You might feel like you’re drifting through life, without any clear goals or aspirations.
Research shows that having a sense of purpose is essential in living a fulfilled life. It’s what pushes us to grow, to strive, and to make a difference.
As the folks at The Greater Good say, “Purpose fuels hope and optimism, and purposeful people tend to have better health and longevity.”
If you feel aimless or lost, it might be an indicator that you’re not truly living. Recognizing this is the first step towards finding your purpose and starting to live life in its true essence.
Remember, we all have the capacity to live a life filled with purpose and meaning. The key is to recognize these signs and make the necessary changes to shift from merely existing to truly living.
So, how can we move from existing to living?
Recognizing these signs is the first step towards a more fulfilled, meaningful life. But how can we start truly living? Here are some small steps to consider:
- Start a gratitude journal: Documenting the things you’re grateful for can help shift your focus from what’s missing in your life to what’s already there.
- Practice mindfulness: This can help you stay present in the moment, fully engaging with your experiences instead of being lost in thought.
- Pursue a hobby or passion: Whether it’s painting, hiking, or playing an instrument, doing something you love can bring joy and purpose into your life.
Remember, the journey from merely existing to truly living is a personal one. Each step you take towards embracing life in all its fullness is a victory.
So take a moment, reflect on these signs, and ask yourself: Am I merely existing or am I truly living?
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