8 questions you have to ask yourself before settling down and getting married

Are you considering popping the question? Or have you just got engaged?

While this relationship stage brings a whirlwind of emotions, it’s crucial to take some time to really think things through.

As someone on the brink of such a significant life change, there are eight essential questions you should ask yourself before saying ‘I do’.

These aren’t just routine inquiries; they’re designed to help you reflect on your values, goals, and the dynamics of your relationship.

Grab a coffee, get comfy, and let’s dive into these important questions that can set the stage for a strong, lasting marriage.

1) Do you know yourself well enough?

Before saying ‘I do’, the first question you need to ask yourself is, do you know yourself well enough? This might seem like an odd question to start with, but it’s essential.

Understanding yourself, your wants, needs, and goals in life play a crucial role in finding a compatible partner.

It’s about knowing what you can bring to the table and what you expect in return. It’s about being aware of your strengths, weaknesses, and what makes you truly happy.

When you know who you are at your core, you’re more likely to choose a partner who complements you and respects your individuality. You will also be better equipped to navigate through the complexities that marriage brings.

If you’re unsure about your own identity or still exploring who you are, it might be worth taking some time for self-discovery before committing to someone else.

After all, if you don’t fully understand yourself, how can you expect someone else to?

2) Are you comfortable with imperfection?

This is a tough pill to swallow for many, especially in a world that often sells us the notion of ‘perfect’ relationships.

But here’s the reality: No relationship is perfect, and no partner is flawless, including ourselves.

Marriage doesn’t magically erase our quirks, flaws, or differences. In fact, it tends to magnify them. In the course of your life together, there will be disagreements, misunderstandings, and moments of frustration.

The question then is, can you accept your partner with all their imperfections?

Can you still love them when they leave the dishes in the sink, forget your anniversary, or have a different opinion on something you feel strongly about?

Similarly, are you okay with your partner seeing the not-so-glamorous sides of you? The days when you’re grumpy, when you’ve made a mistake or when you’re simply not at your best?

Learning to embrace imperfection – in ourselves and in our partners – is an essential part of making a marriage work.

It’s about understanding that love is not just about the good times but also about standing together through the challenging times.

3) Can you communicate effectively?

If you’ve ever played a game of ‘telephone’, you know how easily messages can get distorted as they pass from person to person.

Now imagine that happening in your marriage. Not an ideal scenario, right?

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, especially marriage.

It’s much more than just talking about your day or deciding who’s going to do the dishes. It involves expressing your feelings, needs, and expectations clearly and honestly.

Research has shown that couples who communicate effectively have a much healthier and more satisfying relationship. It’s about being able to discuss sensitive topics without resorting to blame or defensiveness. It involves:

• Active listening
• Empathy
• Understanding

Ask yourself, can you communicate with your partner openly about anything? Are you comfortable discussing your fears, dreams, and insecurities?

If not, it may be worth working on these skills before taking the plunge into marriage.

4) Are you ready to put someone else first?

Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it’s also about compromise and sometimes putting your partner’s needs before your own.

It doesn’t mean losing yourself or giving up on your dreams, but it does mean sharing your life with someone else in a significant way.

There will be times when you’ll need to consider your partner’s feelings, desires, and well-being before making decisions.

Whether it’s as simple as choosing a movie to watch or as complex as deciding where to live, the choices you make will impact both of you.

Ask yourself, are you prepared for this level of commitment? Are you ready to consider someone else in your decisions?

It’s okay if you’re not there yet. It’s important to be honest with yourself and take the time you need to reach this point.

Marriage is about growing together, but it starts with being ready to share your life fully with someone else.

5) Can you handle disagreements?

Let’s face it, even the most harmonious couples have disagreements now and then. It’s part of being in a relationship. What matters is how you handle those disagreements.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong, but about:

• Finding a solution that works for both of you
• Listening to your partner’s point of view, even when it differs from yours.
• Being able to say ‘I’m sorry’ when you’ve made a mistake

Can you handle the inevitable disagreements that come with sharing your life with someone? Can you do it without holding grudges or bringing up past mistakes?

If not, it might be a good idea to work on these skills before saying ‘I do’. After all, a successful marriage is built on mutual respect and understanding, even in times of disagreement.

6) Do your future plans align?

This is a big one.

A friend of mine was in a long-term relationship with someone who was incredibly spontaneous, always ready for an adventure. She, on the other hand, was a planner, always thinking about the next step.

While this made for some fun times, it also brought up some serious conflicts when it came to discussing their future together.

From career goals to family plans, it’s crucial that you and your potential spouse have discussed your future and that your plans align.

It doesn’t mean you need to have every detail figured out, but you should have a general agreement on the big things.

Where do you see yourselves living? Do you want children? What are your career aspirations?

If your visions of the future are too different, it can lead to frustration and resentment down the line. So make sure to have these conversations before taking that big step into matrimony.

7) Are you financially ready?

Let’s cut to the chase – marriage isn’t just an emotional commitment; it’s a financial one too.

From the wedding itself to shared living expenses, potential children, and retirement plans, money plays a significant role in your life together.

It’s not the most romantic aspect of marriage, but it’s a reality you need to face. Financial stress can put a strain on even the strongest relationships.

Therefore, it’s crucial to have an open and honest discussion about your financial situation and expectations.

Do you have a handle on your debts? Do you have similar spending habits? Are you comfortable with combining finances or do you prefer to keep them separate?

These are not easy conversations to have, but they’re vital for a healthy financial future together.

8) Are you truly in love?

This may seem obvious, but it’s the most important question of all. Are you truly, deeply, passionately in love with this person?

Love isn’t just about butterflies in your stomach or a shared love of movies. It’s about an unspoken connection, mutual respect, and deep admiration.

It’s about wanting to share your life with this person, through the good times and the bad. It’s about being able to see a future with them, growing old together, and still being excited about it.

If your answer to this question is anything less than a resounding ‘yes’, take a step back.

Love is the foundation of any marriage, and without it, no amount of compatibility or shared goals can make up for it.

Make sure you’re doing it because you’re truly in love and can’t imagine your life without this person.

Conclusion

Deciding to settle down and get married is a deeply personal journey—and it’s all about what you truly value and desire in life.

By reflecting on these eight questions, you can gain clarity about your own values, goals, and the dynamics of your relationship.

Taking the time to ask these questions can help you and your partner build a solid foundation, paving the way for a fulfilling and resilient partnership.

Embrace these conversations with openness and honesty, and you’ll be well on your way to a successful and lasting commitment.