9 phrases judgmental and critical people love to use, says a psychologist

We’ve all been there — walking away from a conversation replaying someone’s words in our heads, wondering, “Was that really necessary?”

Validation, understanding, and respect are things we all need, but they can feel painfully out of reach when dealing with judgmental and overly critical people.

These individuals have a knack for making others feel small, often using sly remarks or “harmless” comments that stick with you long after the conversation ends.

It’s frustrating, confusing, and, if you’re not careful, it can chip away at your confidence.

Over the years, I’ve noticed that many judgmental people use the same kinds of phrases to tear others down — and once you recognize them, you’ll see them everywhere.

In this article, I’m going to highlight these common phrases so you can spot them in real time.

The goal isn’t to fuel conflict, but to protect your mental well-being and remind you that the problem isn’t you — it’s the criticism itself.

1) “You always” and “you never” statements

Nothing screams judgmental and critical more than broad, sweeping statements. Phrases starting with “you always” or “you never” are usually a go-to for those who thrive on criticism.

These phrases are an oversimplification of your actions and behavior, reducing your entire personality to one or two negative traits. It’s a way of putting you in a box and labeling you, which is something critical people love to do.

Perhaps you’ve been told, “You always mess things up,” or “You never think before you speak.” These are not only hurtful but also unfair because they don’t take into account the full spectrum of your actions and behaviors.

Nobody is one-dimensional. We all have strengths and weaknesses, good days and bad days.

Using these generalizing phrases is a crude way to belittle and undermine, ignoring the complexity and diversity of your character.

2) “Should” statements

These statements often sound like, “You should be more organized,” or “You should know better by now.”

These are a subtle form of control and criticism, implying that you’re not living up to the speaker’s standards or expectations.

It’s a way of saying that they know better than you do about how you should live your life or handle certain situations.

What’s interesting is that these “should” statements often reflect more about the person saying them than the one they’re directed at.

They reveal the speaker’s own values, beliefs, and expectations – and their need to impose them on others.

When you hear a “should” statement, try not to take it personally. Instead, consider it a reflection of the speaker’s worldview, not a measure of your worth or abilities.

3) “I’m just being honest” or “I’m just saying”

It’s usually tacked onto the end of a judgmental or critical statement, almost as a way to soften the blow.

Ironically, these phrases are often used as a cover for harsh criticism or unkind remarks. The idea is to create the illusion of being forthright and candid when, in reality, it’s a thinly veiled attempt at delivering a low blow.

For instance, someone might say: “I’m just being honest, but I think your outfit looks terrible.” They’re not really being honest – they’re being critical and negative under the guise of honesty.

So next time you hear the phrase “I’m just being honest” or “I’m just saying”, be aware that it’s not about honesty at all. It’s a clear sign of judgment and criticism.

4) “If I were you…”

This phrase is a classic one used by judgmental people. It’s a way for them to impose their own beliefs and viewpoints onto you, disguising it as helpful advice.

Statements like “If I were you, I would have taken that job,” or “If I were you, I wouldn’t date that person,” can feel intrusive and uninvited. It’s as though they’re saying they could handle your life better than you can.

The truth is, no one truly knows what it’s like to walk in your shoes. We each have our own unique experiences, values, and circumstances that shape our decisions.

It cuts deep because it invalidates your feelings and choices. But remember, your decisions are yours alone to make, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for them.

5) “It’s for your own good”

This phrase can feel like a beacon of care and concern, but often it hides a judgmental undertone.

When someone says, “It’s for your own good,” they’re essentially saying that they know what’s best for you better than you do.

Statements like, “I’m telling you this for your own good,” or “It’s for your own good that you stop seeing him,” can be patronizing and disempowering. It subtly implies that you’re incapable of making the right decisions for yourself.

Everyone is on their own journey, making their own mistakes, and learning their own lessons. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to life’s challenges.

So when someone uses this phrase, try to see it as a reflection of their concern rather than an attack on your ability to make decisions.

After all, even when advice is ill-delivered, it often comes from a place of care. Your task is to filter the judgment and find the kernel of truth or concern beneath it.

6) “Why can’t you be more like…?”

Comparisons are a common weapon in the arsenal of judgmental and critical people. The phrase “Why can’t you be more like…?” is a direct hit to your self-esteem.

Whether it’s comparing you to a sibling, a friend, or a colleague at work, these statements make you feel as though you’re not good enough as you are.

They might say something like, “Why can’t you be more organized like Sarah?” or “Why can’t you be as sociable as John?”

These comparisons are unfair and serve only to undermine your self-worth. We each have our own strengths, weaknesses, and unique qualities that make us who we are.

Next time you hear this phrase, remind yourself that there’s no one else in this world quite like you. And that’s something to be celebrated, not criticized.

7) “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”

Ah, the classic preface to a potentially offensive statement. When someone starts a sentence with “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”, chances are they’re about to be exactly that.

Sentences like, “I don’t mean to be rude, but your cooking could use some work,” or “I don’t mean to be rude, but that color doesn’t suit you,” are often attempts at softening the blow of a critical comment.

The ironic thing? Most of the time, they do mean to be a bit rude. It’s like a free pass to say something potentially hurtful without feeling too guilty about it.

Sometimes, people just can’t resist giving their unfiltered opinion. And just because they think it, doesn’t make it true!

8) “Just a suggestion…”

This phrase is a master of disguise, often used by those who love to criticize or judge.

By starting or ending a statement with “just a suggestion…”, they can present their judgment or critique as something harmless or even helpful.

For instance, they might say, “Just a suggestion… maybe you should try working out more,” or “Just a suggestion, but have you considered going back to school?”

It’s a sneaky way of pointing out what they perceive as your shortcomings or failures.

But here’s the thing – you don’t need to take every suggestion to heart, especially if it’s wrapped in criticism or judgment.

You know yourself better than anyone else. You know your strengths, your weaknesses, and what you’re capable of.

So next time you hear this phrase, remember that it’s just that – a suggestion. And you’re entirely free to take it or leave it.

9) “No offense, but…”

This phrase is perhaps one of the most deceptive. It’s often used as a disclaimer before a potentially offensive or hurtful remark.

When someone says, “No offense, but…”, it’s almost certain that the following statement will be offensive or unkind.

Statements like “No offense, but I think your idea is not feasible,” or “No offense, but that outfit isn’t flattering,” serve to undermine and belittle you under the guise of innocent commentary.

But here’s the crucial thing to remember – you are not defined by other people’s opinions or judgments. Their words reflect their mindset, not your worth.

In conclusion

Navigating interactions with judgmental and critical people can be emotionally draining and challenging. As we’ve explored, they often use specific phrases that serve to belittle, undermine, and control.

You cannot change a person’s tendency to be critical or judgmental any more than they can change your inherent worth. It’s important to understand that their words reflect their own issues and insecurities, not your value.

This article isn’t meant to label anyone as judgmental or critical. Instead, it’s meant to help you identify potentially harmful phrases and understand their implications in your interactions.

Having heard one or six of these phrases doesn’t necessarily make someone judgmental or critical. It’s their recurring pattern of use, coupled with the intent and impact that matters.

Remember, you have the power to choose which comments to accept and which to let go. You are in control of your narrative.

You’re more than enough, just as you are. Your worth is not defined by others’ judgments or criticisms. It’s defined by you. So, keep being you – unapologetically and authentically.