People who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t usually display these 10 subtle behaviors

We all know someone who seems sweet as pie but leaves a sour taste. They’re the folks who master the art of being ‘fake nice.’ And it’s more common than you’d think.

The tricky part is, these people often fly under the radar, masking their true intentions behind a veil of kindness.

But don’t worry, there are subtle behaviors these individuals display that can help you spot them. I’m going to walk you through 10 of these tell-tale signs.

Let’s get started.

1) Over-the-top compliments

We’ve all received compliments that seem a bit too much. It’s the people who lay it on thick every time you meet them, despite barely knowing you.

These individuals often use excessive flattery as a way to appear kind and friendly. It’s a classic move for those pretending to be nice. They think that by showering you with compliments, they can win you over.

However, if the compliments seem insincere or out of context, take note. Authentic kindness doesn’t need constant affirmation or over-the-top flattery.

This isn’t to say all compliments are insincere. But pay attention to the frequency and context. If it feels forced or unnatural, it might be a sign of someone pretending to be nice when they’re not really.

2) Constant agreement

I recall a work colleague from a few years back who always seemed to agree with everything I said. Initially, it felt nice to have someone on my side, but then I started noticing a pattern.

Whether it was about work strategies, opinions on movies, or even food preferences, she never disagreed or shared an alternate viewpoint. It was as though she was mirroring my every thought.

And that’s when it hit me. Genuine people have genuine opinions. They’re not afraid to share differing views or engage in healthy debate. But those pretending to be nice often play the agreeable card to avoid conflict or to make you believe they’re on your side.

If you find someone who never disagrees with you or constantly mimics your opinions, be wary. It could be a sign they’re not as nice as they seem. Authenticity often includes respectful disagreement, after all.

3) Selective generosity

Generosity is often seen as a hallmark of a nice person. But did you know that generosity can also be used as a manipulation tool?

Some individuals use selective generosity as a cover for their not-so-nice agenda. They might be generous in public or when it suits their needs, but reluctant to help when it’s not beneficial for them.

For instance, they might make grand gestures of charity when others are watching but fail to lend a helping hand privately or in inconspicuous scenarios. They use the image of being generous to paint themselves as kind and caring individuals.

While generosity is a great quality, it’s important to observe whether it’s consistent or selective. Genuine kindness doesn’t pick and choose its moments. It’s there all the time, regardless of who’s watching.

4) They’re always the victim

Ever noticed how some people always seem to be at the receiving end of misfortune? Sure, we all have our bad days, but for these folks, it seems to be a constant narrative.

They may often share stories where they were wronged, betrayed or misunderstood. They portray themselves as the perpetual victim, and while it’s possible they’ve had a tough run, there’s often more to the story.

In many cases, playing the victim is a tactical move. It elicits sympathy and shifts any blame or responsibility away from them. It’s a way of manipulating others’ perception and making themselves appear as nice individuals who are constantly wronged.

Of course, everyone goes through hard times, and it’s important to show empathy. But if someone consistently portrays themselves as the victim, it might be worth taking a closer look. Genuine people own up to their mistakes and don’t use them to manipulate others’ emotions.

5) Excessive name-dropping

There’s this curious habit some people have of constantly mentioning influential people they know or rub shoulders with. It’s like they’re trying to elevate their own status by association.

This behavior is often a cover for insecurity or an attempt to impress. By name-dropping, they’re trying to prove their worth and create an image of being well-connected and influential.

However, genuine people don’t need to flaunt their connections to appear nice or important. They let their actions and character speak for themselves.

6) They’re quick to judge others

Judging others is a habit that can easily slip into our daily conversations. But it’s often more revealing about the person doing the judging than the one being judged.

People who pretend to be nice often have a tendency to criticize or belittle others behind their backs. They might seem sweet on the face of it, but their choice of words when talking about others can reveal a different side.

This behavior is often a reflection of their own insecurities. To feel better about themselves, they put others down. It’s a way to deflect attention from their own shortcomings.

Real kindness extends to everyone, not just those in our immediate circle. It’s about showing empathy and understanding, even when the person is not around. So if someone is quick to judge others, it might indicate that their niceness is just a facade.

7) They’re rarely genuinely happy for others

I remember when I got promoted at my previous job. It was a moment of joy and accomplishment. But there was one colleague who, despite appearing to be delighted for me, made subtle digs that hinted at jealousy.

She would make comments like, “Wow, you must have really impressed the boss,” or “I didn’t realize they were handing out promotions so easily.” It took me a while to realize that these were not casual remarks but subtle jabs stemming from envy.

People who pretend to be nice often struggle to be genuinely happy for others. While they might congratulate you on the surface, they might harbor resentment or jealousy deep down.

True kindness involves being genuinely happy for others’ success, without any trace of envy.

8) They’re excessively apologetic

Apologizing when you’re at fault is a sign of maturity and respect. But have you ever noticed someone who says sorry way too often, even when they’re not at fault?

While it might seem like they’re being extra considerate, it’s often a different story. Over-apologizing can be a tactic to appear harmless or to avoid conflict. They use apologies as a shield, hoping to be seen as nice and accommodating.

However, authentic people understand the importance of apologizing when necessary, but they also know their worth and don’t apologize for things beyond their control.

So the next time you notice someone constantly saying sorry for everything, take a moment to consider why. It might not be kindness driving their apologies, but a subtle attempt to manipulate your perception of them.

9) They’re overly interested in your personal life

We appreciate it when people show interest in our lives. It feels good to know someone cares. But there’s a line between genuine interest and invasive curiosity.

Some folks who pretend to be nice tend to cross this line. They ask too many personal questions or show an excessive interest in your private life. It can feel like they’re genuinely concerned, but often, it’s a strategy to gather information they can use to their advantage later.

Genuine people respect boundaries. They show interest in your life, but they also understand and respect your privacy.

10) They’re inconsistent in their behavior

If there’s one thing you should know about people who pretend to be nice, it’s this: they are often inconsistent in their behavior.

One day, they might be showering you with compliments and attention, and the next, they might be cold and distant. Their mood and behavior can swing unpredictably, which can be confusing and emotionally draining.

Genuine people, on the other hand, are consistent. They treat everyone with the same level of respect and kindness, regardless of the situation or their mood.

These inconsistencies are often a sign that the person is putting on a facade. So keep an eye out for this tell-tale sign. Remember, genuine kindness isn’t a switch that can be turned on and off at will. It’s a consistent trait that forms the foundation of one’s character.