I’ve always wondered why some people become less approachable as they age.
Is it the wrinkles and gray hairs—or something deeper? A few years ago, I caught myself pulling away from social events, feeling cranky over things that never used to bother me.
It wasn’t dramatic, but I felt it—like a slow shift I couldn’t quite name.
Turns out, growing less friendly often boils down to habits we barely notice. That realization gave me a new lens to examine why this happens and, more importantly, how we can stop it.
Let’s break down eight common habits that can sneak up on us, so we can avoid becoming that grumpy person no one wants to sit next to at dinner.
1) They stop socializing as much
Growing older often comes with a lot of changes, and one of the most common ones is a decrease in social activities.
According to research, as people age, they tend to limit their social interactions. This could be due to retirement, health issues, or simply a desire for a slower pace of life.
However, this decrease in social activity can sometimes lead to a decrease in friendliness. After all, the more we interact with others, the more we practice our social skills and empathy.
Without regular interaction, some people may become less patient, less understanding, and less friendly over time.
It’s a subtle shift that happens without realization. And before they know it, these folks have become less friendly and more isolated.
If you find yourself or someone else falling into this pattern, it’s important to make an effort to stay connected and keep those friendliness muscles flexed.
2) They begin to resist change
I’ve noticed this in my own life, particularly with my grandfather.
As he got older, he developed a strong resistance to change. Whether it was a new gadget, a different brand of his favorite snack, or a change in the family’s holiday traditions, he was always very reluctant to accept it.
This resistance to change is common as people age. It’s comfortable to stick with what we know, and the unknown can often feel overwhelming or unnecessary.
However, this habit can also contribute to a decrease in friendliness. The unwillingness to embrace change can come across as being stubborn or inflexible.
In my grandfather’s case, his resistance often led to disagreements and tension within our family. It took us a while to realize that his grumpiness stemmed from his fear of change rather than any personal animosity.
3) They start to focus on negative news
With age, some people develop a tendency to pay more attention to negative news. This could be due to a cognitive bias known as the negativity bias, which suggests that we are more likely to remember and be affected by negative events than positive ones.
This constant focus on negative news can have a detrimental impact on a person’s mood and outlook on life.
Over time, it can make them seem less friendly, as they constantly discuss the problems of the world rather than its joys.
A steady diet of bad news can make the world seem like a much more hostile place than it really is. Therefore, balancing out the negatives with some positive news can help maintain a friendly disposition as we age.
4) They neglect self-care
As we age, it’s easy to let self-care slide. Maybe it’s due to health issues, or perhaps it’s just the busyness of life.
But one thing’s for sure – neglecting our own wellbeing can definitely impact our friendliness.
When we don’t take care of ourselves, we’re less equipped to handle stress and more likely to feel overwhelmed. This can make us more irritable and less patient with others, hence appearing less friendly.
So, the importance of regular exercise, a balanced diet, good sleep, and mental health care cannot be overstated.
By taking care of ourselves, we’re better able to maintain a friendly demeanor towards others.
5) They lose touch with loved ones
One of the most heartbreaking habits that can creep into our lives as we age is losing touch with loved ones.
It’s not intentional, but life happens, and before we know it, we’ve drifted apart from people who once filled our lives with joy.
This loss of connection can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. And these feelings can inadvertently make us less friendly as we subconsciously build walls to guard our hearts.
Staying connected with loved ones, even through simple gestures like a phone call or a handwritten letter, can help keep our hearts open and our demeanor friendly.
After all, nothing warms the heart like sharing a laughter-filled conversation with a dear friend or reminiscing about old times with a family member.
6) They stop learning new things
There was a time when I caught myself falling into a monotonous routine, doing the same things day in and day out.
I realized that I had stopped learning new things. This not only made my days feel dull but also made me less engaging in conversations.
This is a common trap many of us fall into as we age. Once we’re settled in our ways, it’s easy to stop seeking new knowledge or skills.
However, this can affect our friendliness. Without new experiences or knowledge to share, our conversations can become repetitive and less interesting.
And subconsciously, we might start avoiding social interactions, making us appear less friendly.
Embracing lifelong learning can keep us mentally sharp and socially engaging.
Whether it’s taking up a new hobby, reading a book on a topic you know nothing about, or even just watching a documentary on a rainy afternoon, every bit of learning adds to our richness as individuals.
7) They become overly critical
With age and experience, it’s natural that we form solid opinions about things. However, a habit that can creep in unnoticed is becoming overly critical or judgmental.
This habit can subtly erode our friendliness.
Constant criticism can make conversations unpleasant, and over time, people may start to avoid interactions to escape the negativity.
Everyone has their own journey and their own pace. Practicing empathy and patience can help us maintain a friendly demeanor, even when we don’t agree with others.
8) They forget the power of kindness
As we grow older, it’s easy to forget just how powerful a simple act of kindness can be.
A smile, a warm greeting, a helping hand – these are the things that make us human and connect us with each other.
Forgetting this can lead to becoming less friendly. But remembering and practicing kindness can reverse the trend.
It’s never too late to rekindle the power of kindness in our lives, and in doing so, we not only brighten our own days but also those of the people around us.
Reflection: We’re all works in progress
Aging has a funny way of revealing who we are—or who we’re becoming.
It’s easy to fall into patterns, like scrolling past every invitation or finding yourself annoyed over the smallest things.
I’ve been there. It’s not the big, sweeping life changes that erode our friendliness—it’s the quiet habits that creep in when we’re not looking.
But here’s the good news: it’s all fixable. Every little adjustment—reconnecting with loved ones, staying curious, remembering to smile at the stranger in line—has the power to soften those edges.
They say kindness starts at home, and I’ve learned that includes the home inside you.
The more grace you give yourself, the easier it becomes to pass it on. Growing older doesn’t mean growing colder. It’s just another chapter, and we get to decide how to write it.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
