Loneliness can be a funny thing. I mean, you could be surrounded by loads of friends and still feel utterly alone.
I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a passionate advocate for mindfulness. And as someone who’s gone deep into the world of psychology, I’ve noticed that folks who consistently feel lonesome, despite having many friends, often exhibit certain behaviors.
In this article, I’ll unmask these behaviors to illuminate this seemingly paradoxical situation.
The goal? To help you better understand this complex emotion and maybe even navigate your way out of it. So let’s get started, shall we?
1) Constant self-isolation
Have you noticed how some people, regardless of how many friends they have, consistently choose to isolate themselves? This is a peculiar pattern common among individuals who frequently feel lonely.
You see, loneliness isn’t necessarily about the number of friends you have – it’s about the quality of your relationships. Someone could have a hundred friends and still feel alone if they don’t feel a deep connection with anyone.
Psychology suggests that these people retreat into their own world as a defense mechanism, avoiding the potential disappointment of unfulfilling social interactions.
In these instances, despite being surrounded by friends, the lonely individual might choose to isolate themselves, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. They feel alone, so they act alone, which in turn makes them feel more alone.
2) Overcompensation through social media
I remember a time when I found myself constantly checking my social media feeds, posting updates, and obsessively monitoring the ‘likes’ and comments.
Oddly enough, this happened during a phase of my life when I felt most alone, despite having many friends both online and offline.
According to psychology, this behavior isn’t unique to just me. Many people who feel persistently lonely often overcompensate by becoming excessively active on social media platforms.
The logic is simple: with every ‘like,’ comment, or share, they hope to feel a sense of validation, a fleeting moment of connection. But this digital interaction is no substitute for genuine human connection.
As the famous psychologist Albert Bandura once said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.”
Sometimes, that sense of self-efficacy can be mistakenly sought in the shallow waters of social media interactions.
3) Masking true feelings
A common trait among those who feel lonely despite having many friends is concealing their true feelings. They might appear perfectly cheerful and content in a crowd, but deep inside, they’re battling intense feelings of loneliness.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego,” I go deeper into the concept of self-awareness and authenticity, two crucial factors often neglected by individuals struggling with loneliness.
Through the teachings of Buddhism, readers can discover how to embrace their emotions, be it joy, sadness, or loneliness, and learn to live authentically without the need to put on a facade.
By embracing our emotions, we’re better equipped to understand and communicate them, leading to more fulfilling relationships.
4) Misinterpretation of social cues
Ever noticed someone who always seems to misinterpret social situations or misread people’s intentions? This could be a sign that they’re struggling with hidden loneliness.
According to psychology, people who frequently feel lonely may suffer from a cognitive bias that leads them to misinterpret social cues. They may perceive neutral or even friendly interactions as negative or hostile.
This skewed perception can stem from a fear of rejection or a deep-seated belief that they’re unwelcome or disliked, even when evidence suggests otherwise.
As a result, they may withdraw further into their shell, exacerbating their feelings of loneliness.
5) Often the life of the party
It might seem counter-intuitive, but frequently, those who feel the loneliest are often the life of the party. They’re the ones always cracking jokes, leading the conversation, and keeping everyone entertained.
Why is that? Well, psychology suggests it might be a form of overcompensation.
By being the funniest or most entertaining person in the room, they hope to mask their feelings of loneliness and create a sense of acceptance and belonging.
However, this behavior often leads to a paradoxical situation. While they may be surrounded by laughter and applause, they can end up feeling even more alone because no one sees their true struggles.
6) Difficulty asking for help
Have you ever met someone who is always ready to lend a hand but struggles to ask for help when they need it?
This could be another sign of hidden loneliness.
Psychology suggests that individuals who frequently feel lonely often find it difficult to ask for help. This might be due to a fear of appearing weak or being a burden to others.
But by not reaching out when they’re in need, they inadvertently isolate themselves further, reinforcing their feelings of loneliness.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength and trust in others.
7) Excessive people-pleasing
There was a time when saying ‘no’ was more challenging than climbing Mount Everest. Every request, every favor, every demand – the answer was always a resounding ‘yes’, even when it meant sacrificing personal time or peace.
Psychologists would label this behavior as people-pleasing, a trait often exhibited by individuals who feel lonely despite being surrounded by friends. The desire to continually please others stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or abandonment.
By always saying ‘yes’, they hope to make themselves indispensable to their friends, believing this will prevent them from feeling alone.
However, this can lead to burnout and resentment, further amplifying their feelings of loneliness.
The great psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.”
And sometimes, that persistence means learning to balance the needs of others with our own, even if it means occasionally saying ‘no’.
8) Neglecting self-care
Another common behavior among those who feel lonely is neglecting self-care. They might ignore their physical health, skimp on sleep, or indulge in unhealthy eating habits.
Why does this happen?
These folks might struggle with low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness. As such, they neglect their own needs and prioritize others instead, hoping this would help them feel less lonely.
However, neglecting self-care can lead to a range of physical and mental health problems, which can further intensify feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Final thoughts
In my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego,” I delve deeper into concepts that can help foster healthier connections with ourselves and others.
Through the teachings of Buddhism, we can learn to embrace our emotions, live authentically, and cultivate fulfilling relationships.
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