If you want your children to actually respect you, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

There’s a fine line between earning your children’s respect and simply demanding it.

This line, often blurred, is best defined by our actions. The way we behave can either encourage our children to respect us, or it can push them away.

Demanding respect is a one-way street leading to resentment. However, earning respect gives your child the freedom to choose, and helps them understand the value of this virtue.

Earning respect from your kids is all about showing them through your behavior why they should respect you. And there are some behaviors you may need to let go of if you want to earn that respect.

In this article, I’ll be sharing 8 behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you want your children to truly respect you.

1) Dictating, not discussing

In the realm of parenting, one area that can significantly impact the level of respect your children have for you is your approach to communication.

Conversations with your children shouldn’t be a monologue. Instead, it should be an open dialogue.

Many of us fall into the trap of dictating. We tell our kids what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. But this one-way form of communication can lead to resentment and a lack of respect.

The solution? Say goodbye to dictating and hello to discussing.

By discussing, you give your children a voice. You show them that their opinions matter. And that’s how you foster respect.

But remember, it’s not just about letting them speak. It’s about truly listening to what they have to say.

So the next time you’re tempted to dictate, take a step back and start a conversation instead. You might be surprised by the increase in respect you receive from your children.

2) Yelling instead of talking

I’ve found from personal experience that raising your voice often leads to the opposite result of what you’re hoping for.

I remember a time when my daughter was going through a phase of not tidying her room. Every day, the mess would grow and every day, I would get more frustrated. One day, I lost it. I stood in the doorway of her room and yelled at the top of my lungs.

Did the room get cleaned? Yes, it did. But at what cost?

Instead of feeling accomplished, my daughter felt belittled. And instead of respect, what I saw in her eyes was fear and disappointment. That day, I learned a hard lesson.

Yelling might get you immediate results, but it won’t earn you respect. It only teaches your child to fear you, not respect you.

So, if you’re in a similar situation, take a deep breath and talk to your child calmly. Explain why it’s important for them to tidy their room and how it affects not just them, but everyone in the household. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.

3) Being inconsistent

Consistency is key in any aspect of parenting, especially when it comes to earning your child’s respect.

When rules and expectations keep changing, it can create confusion and frustration for your child. This unpredictability can lead to a lack of trust and respect.

In fact, research shows that children who grow up in consistent environments are more likely to develop into secure adults. Inconsistent parenting, on the other hand, can cause children to have low self-esteem and struggle with self-control.

So try to be as consistent as possible with your rules, expectations and consequences. This will help create a safe and predictable environment for your child, which in turn will foster respect for you as a parent.

4) Failing to apologize

As parents, we aren’t infallible. We make mistakes, and sometimes, these mistakes affect our children.

When we mess up, it’s easy to brush it under the rug and move on. After all, we’re the adults here, right? But this approach can be damaging to the respect our children have for us.

Admitting when you’re wrong and apologizing to your child shows them that you value their feelings. It teaches them that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you take responsibility for them.

So, the next time you make a mistake, don’t shy away from acknowledging it. Apologize to your child sincerely. It may be a small gesture, but it can go a long way in earning their respect.

5) Not spending quality time

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to get caught up in our responsibilities and forget to spend quality time with our children.

But remember, your children won’t be young forever. These moments, these years, are fleeting.

Quality time is more than just being in the same room. It’s about being present, both physically and mentally. It’s about listening to their stories, playing their favorite games, and showing an interest in their interests.

When you spend quality time with your children, you’re telling them that they’re important to you. That they matter. This not only strengthens your bond with them but also fosters a deep respect for you.

So, no matter how busy life gets, always make time for your children. They’ll appreciate it more than you know.

6) Dismissing their feelings

There was a time when my son had a bad day at school. He came home upset and I, being in the middle of work, brushed it off. I told him everyone has bad days and he needs to learn to deal with it.

Looking back, I realize how dismissive that was. My son was reaching out to me, looking for comfort and understanding, and I failed him in that moment.

When we dismiss our children’s feelings, we’re telling them that their emotions are not important or valid. This can lead to them shutting down and not sharing their feelings with us in the future.

It’s crucial to acknowledge your child’s feelings, no matter how trivial they may seem. Let them know that it’s okay to feel the way they do and that you’re there for them.

By showing empathy and understanding, you’ll earn their respect and trust.

7) Setting unrealistic expectations

As parents, we all want our children to succeed. But sometimes, in our hopes for their success, we may set expectations that are too high and unrealistic.

When our children feel they can’t meet our expectations, it can lead to feelings of stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. This can also lead to a disconnect between us and our children.

Remember, every child is unique with their own strengths and weaknesses. Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. Encourage them to do their best, but let them know it’s okay to make mistakes.

By setting realistic expectations, you’re showing your child that you love and respect them for who they are. And in return, they’ll respect you more too.

8) Not leading by example

At the end of the day, the most effective way to earn your child’s respect is to lead by example.

Our children learn from us. They watch our actions, our reactions, and how we treat others. If we want them to respect us, we need to show them what respect looks like.

Respect your children. Respect your spouse. Respect the people you interact with. Show kindness, empathy, and understanding in your actions.

Your child will see this and learn from it. They’ll understand what respect looks like and they’ll mirror it back to you.

Lead by example, and your child will naturally respect you.