If you want to raise your child to have great values and character, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

Raising a child with strong values and character starts with leading by example.

Certain parenting behaviors, while often well-intentioned, can unintentionally hinder a child’s moral and emotional development.

By letting go of these habits, you create an environment that nurtures integrity, empathy, and resilience.

Here are seven behaviors to say goodbye to if you want to raise your child to have great values and character—and what to embrace instead for lasting impact:

1) Reacting rather than responding

When it comes to parenting, it’s integral to know the difference between reacting and responding.

Reacting is usually driven by emotions, often happens immediately and lacks thoughtfulness.

It’s a knee-jerk reaction where we let our emotions lead the way.

For instance, yelling at your child when they’ve done something wrong.

On the other hand, responding takes patience and self-control—it’s more about understanding the situation and acting logically rather than emotionally.

By responding instead of reacting, you teach your child about emotional intelligence.

You demonstrate that it’s not about suppressing feelings but managing them in a thoughtful way.

2) Overprotecting

I learned this one the hard way: My daughter, Lily, was always a bit timid—to shield her from potential harm or disappointment, I found myself jumping in to solve problems before she even had a chance to try.

One day, after I rushed in to mediate a squabble between Lily and her friend, she turned to me with frustration in her eyes and said, “Mom, I can handle it!”

In my effort to protect her, I’d unintentionally sent the message that I didn’t believe in her abilities.

From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to step back, to allow her the opportunity to solve her problems, make mistakes, and learn from them.

Overprotection might keep our kids safe in the short term, but it doesn’t prepare them for the real world.

If we want our children to become resilient and self-reliant adults, we need to let go of the reins a bit and trust their ability to navigate life’s challenges.

3) Prioritizing success over effort

In a study published on the Journal of Educational Psychology, researchers found that children who were praised for their intelligence were more likely to choose future tasks that would ensure they continued to appear smart.

On the other hand, children who were praised for their effort tended to choose tasks that would help them learn new things.

This highlights the importance of focusing on the effort your child puts into something, rather than the outcome.

When we praise our children for being “smart” or “talented”, we inadvertently encourage a fixed mindset—this can lead to anxiety and a fear of failure.

However, when we praise effort, we promote a growth mindset, encouraging our children to see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning.

4) Discouraging emotions

It’s a common scenario in many households.

A child starts crying or throwing a tantrum, and the immediate response is, “Stop crying” or “Big boys/girls don’t cry”.

While it’s natural to want your child to be calm and happy, discouraging emotions can actually do more harm than good.

Emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, are a natural part of life—by discouraging these emotions, we teach our children that it’s not okay to feel a certain way.

Instead, we should validate their feelings and teach them how to handle their emotions in a healthy way—this doesn’t mean that we allow inappropriate behavior, but we allow the feeling behind it.

This validation shows our kids that it’s okay to have feelings and they are capable of managing them.

5) Not practicing what you preach

I remember telling my son, Jake, about the importance of honesty: A few days later, I found myself telling a white lie on the phone in front of him to avoid an unwanted social engagement.

Jake looked at me with confusion in his eyes and asked, “But, mom, you said lying is bad.”

That was a wake-up call—I realized that children are keen observers.

They don’t just learn from what we tell them, but more importantly, they learn from what they see us do.

If we want our children to develop good values and character, it’s crucial that we embody these values ourselves.

Our actions should align with our words.

After all, it’s not just about raising children who listen to us, but more importantly, raising children who observe and learn from our actions.

6) Ignoring their interests

We all have dreams for our kids—we want them to succeed, to find a great career, to be happy.

But sometimes, our dreams for them can overshadow their own passions and interests.

Ignoring your child’s unique interests and pushing your own aspirations onto them can discourage their self-esteem and independence.

It sends the message that what they like or care about isn’t important or good enough.

Instead, we should encourage their unique interests and passions.

Whether it’s art, sports, music, or insects, fostering their curiosity and passion can help them develop a strong sense of self-worth and confidence.

By respecting their interests, we teach them to respect others’ as well—this is a key trait in building great values and character.

So, let’s celebrate their individuality and let them lead the way in exploring their passions.

7) Skipping the tough conversations

It’s natural to want to protect our children from the harsh realities of life, but avoiding tough conversations doesn’t do them any favors.

Whether it’s about loss, failure, injustice or even about sensitive topics like sex and drugs, it’s important to have these discussions with our children in an age-appropriate way.

These conversations help them understand the world and their place in it.

They learn how to deal with difficult situations and emotions—learning about empathy, fairness, and resilience.

Avoiding these conversations can leave them ill-equipped to handle real-world situations.

So, as difficult as it may be, don’t shy away from the tough topics.

It’s through these discussions that we can truly help shape our children’s values and character.

Summing up: It’s about growth

The journey of raising a child is a rewarding, albeit challenging endeavor.

But when we aim to instill great values and character in our children, it’s not just about their growth, but ours as well.

As parents, we’re not perfect because we make mistakes, we learn, and we grow—just like our children.

The seven behaviors shared in this article are not quick fixes but are stepping stones towards better parenting.

Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection.

As the late Maya Angelou famously said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

By saying goodbye to these behaviors, we not only guide our children towards becoming individuals of character and values but also evolve as parents and human beings ourselves.

As you reflect on your own parenting journey, remember that every step you take towards positive change has a profound impact on shaping your child’s character.

When it comes to raising children of great values and character, it’s not just about the destination, but the journey itself!