If you want to maintain a close relationship with your adult children, say goodbye to these 9 behaviors

Navigating relationships with your adult children can be a balancing act. You can’t treat them like kids anymore, but they’ll always be your children.

Certain behaviors, however, can create unnecessary tension and lead to a strained relationship.

If you’re keen on maintaining a close bond with your grown-up kids, there are a few behaviors that you need to bid adieu to.

In this piece, we’ll delve into the 9 behaviors that could be driving a wedge between you and your adult children, and how to avoid them. Because, after all, who wouldn’t want a harmonious relationship with their kids at any age?

1) Unwanted advice

Navigating the world as an adult is a constant process of learning and growing. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s through these mistakes that we often learn the most valuable lessons.

For parents, it can be hard to watch your adult children stumble and fall. The instinct to step in and offer advice can be overwhelming.

However, unsolicited advice can often feel intrusive to your adult child. It could come across as if you don’t trust their judgement or capability to handle their own problems.

This doesn’t mean you should never give advice. Instead, try to wait until your advice is asked for. This way, you respect their autonomy and allow them the space to grow on their own.

Sometimes the best way to support them is by simply being there and listening. Trust them to make their own decisions and learn from them, just as you did when you were their age. Making this small change can significantly improve your relationship with your adult children.

2) Trying to fix everything

I’ve always been a problem-solver. From puzzles to personal issues, I can’t resist jumping in and trying to find a solution. But this trait has proven to be a double-edged sword when it comes to my relationship with my adult children.

Let me share an example. My daughter called me one day, upset about a disagreement she had with her boss. Immediately, I started offering solutions – maybe she should confront her boss, or perhaps look for a new job.

Soon, I realized she had become silent. When I asked her why, she said, “Mom, I just wanted you to listen, not solve everything for me.”

That was an eye-opener. I understood then that my adult children don’t always need me to fix their problems. Sometimes, they just need someone who will listen and empathize.

Turning off that problem-solving instinct isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. By doing so, we allow our adult children to develop their own problem-solving skills and express their feelings without the fear of unsolicited solutions.

3) Overstepping boundaries

Respecting personal boundaries is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship, and it’s no different with your grown-up kids.

Remember, your adult children have their own lives, responsibilities, and personal spaces which should be respected. Dropping by unannounced or constantly checking up on them might not be appreciated as much as you’d think.

In fact, a study conducted by the University of Michigan found that parents who overstep boundaries and interfere excessively in their adult children’s lives can cause more harm than good, leading to stress, tension, and even depression.

So let them lead their own lives. Check-in occasionally, but avoid prying or imposing. By doing so, you’ll show respect for their autonomy which will help maintain a close and harmonious relationship.

4) Being judgmental

Everyone has their own path in life, including your adult children. They might make choices that you don’t necessarily agree with, whether it’s about their career, lifestyle or relationships.

It’s natural to have your own opinions and you might even have the urge to express them. But being overly judgmental or critical can create a barrier between you and your child. It can make them feel misunderstood and less likely to share their life with you.

Try to practice acceptance and understanding. Remember that their decisions are a part of their personal growth. Instead of passing judgment, try to engage in open and respectful conversation about their choices.

This shift in behavior can encourage your adult children to confide in you more often, strengthening your relationship with them.

5) Holding on to the past

As your kids grow up, they change. They evolve, learn, and sometimes outgrow the person they were in their youth. It’s important to respect and acknowledge this growth.

Holding on to past mistakes or constantly bringing up old incidents can hinder your relationship. It can make your adult children feel like they are not being allowed to move on or grow.

Instead, try to focus on the present and future. Appreciate their growth and the individuals they have become. Letting go of the past not only helps in fostering a healthier relationship but also allows your adult children to feel valued for who they are now.

6) Not acknowledging their adulthood

It’s an emotional ride, seeing your little ones grow into adults. In your heart, they remain your babies, and it’s hard to let go of that protective instinct.

But remember, they’re not children anymore. They’re adults, with their own perspectives, responsibilities, and the capability to make their own decisions.

By acknowledging their adulthood, you show them respect and trust. You’re telling them, “I believe in you. I trust your judgment.” This can mean the world to them.

This doesn’t mean you stop being there for them. It simply means you’re now supporting them as adults. This subtle shift can significantly strengthen your bond with your adult children and help maintain a close relationship.

7) Comparing them to others

My son came home one day, visibly upset. When I asked him what was wrong, he shared that he was tired of being compared to his more successful cousin.

I was taken aback. I didn’t realize that my casual remarks about his cousin’s achievements were having such a negative impact on him.

Comparison is a slippery slope. It might seem like a motivational tool, but it often ends up creating feelings of inadequacy and resentment.

Every individual is unique, with their own talents and pace of growth. Appreciating your adult children for who they are, rather than comparing them to others, can go a long way in maintaining a healthy and close relationship.

8) Not respecting their privacy

With the advent of technology and social media, maintaining privacy has become even more crucial.

Your adult children might not appreciate you commenting on every Facebook post or sharing their personal news with your friends. They might see this as an invasion of their privacy.

Respecting their online boundaries is as important as respecting their physical and emotional boundaries. Show them that you respect their privacy both offline and online.

This will build trust and help maintain a close relationship with your adult children. Remember, a good relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding.

9) Forgetting to express love and appreciation

At the end of the day, your adult children are just that – your children. They might have grown up, but they still need your love, support, and appreciation.

It can be easy to get caught up in the practicalities of life and forget to express these feelings. But these expressions of love and appreciation are the foundation of a strong relationship.

So take the time to tell them how much you love them, how proud you are of them, and how much they mean to you. These simple acts can strengthen your bond and ensure a close relationship with your adult children.

Final thoughts: It’s an ongoing journey

Understanding and maintaining a close relationship with your adult children isn’t a one-time task, it’s an ongoing journey of learning, understanding, and adapting.

A study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that parents who can adapt to their children’s increasing independence as they grow into adulthood often have the best relationships with their children.

As parents, we need to navigate this delicate balance of being there for our adult children while also respecting their autonomy.

Saying goodbye to these 9 behaviors is just a stepping stone towards that goal. Remember, it’s not about being a perfect parent – it’s about growing and adapting with your children as they journey through adulthood.

As you reflect on these behaviors, think about how you can apply them to your relationship with your adult children. After all, every step towards understanding and respect is a step towards a closer bond.