If you want to gain better friends in life as you get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

As we get older, our friendships tend to shift and evolve.

Gone are the days of effortlessly forming bonds just because you sat next to someone in class or worked on the same project. Building meaningful connections as an adult takes a bit more effort—and a lot more intentionality.

If you’re looking to attract better friends who truly enrich your life, it’s not just about what you do—it’s also about what you stop doing.

Certain behaviors can hold you back from forming the kind of friendships that bring joy, support, and authenticity.

So, if you’re ready to level up your social circle, it’s time to say goodbye to these seven behaviors.

1) Being judgmental

It’s no secret that our experiences shape our perspectives. However, it’s important to remember that not everyone will have the same experiences or perspectives as us.

Being judgmental is one of the quickest ways to sabotage meaningful friendships. While it’s natural to have opinions, constantly criticizing or looking down on others’ choices sends the message that you’re unwilling to accept people for who they are.

Nobody wants to feel like they’re walking on eggshells around a friend, afraid of being judged for their actions, beliefs, or lifestyle.

As we get older, the best friendships are built on a foundation of mutual respect and understanding. It’s less about finding people who think or act exactly like us and more about appreciating the diversity of experiences and perspectives they bring.

When you let go of being judgmental, you create space for deeper, more authentic connections—where both of you feel valued for who you truly are.

2) Being overly competitive

Competition can be healthy. It can push us to strive for better and achieve our potential.

But when it’s taken to the extreme? Not so much.

As health coach Emily Lauren writes in GQ, “A little healthy competition is not going to put your friendship at risk. But one that isn’t fun and makes you or the other person feel bad isn’t one worth engaging in. Because even if you win, you lose.”

I remember a time when I was constantly comparing myself to a close friend. We were both entrepreneurs, and instead of supporting each other’s success, we ended up trying to outdo each other.

It became a silent battle, and this competitive spirit started to overshadow the bond we once had.

Eventually, I realized that the joy and camaraderie had been replaced by envy and resentment. That’s when I knew I had to let go of this destructive behavior.

Now, instead of seeing my friend as competition, we motivate and inspire each other. Our friendship has flourished ever since.

If you want better friends as you get older, start with being a good friend yourself. Adopt the view that the people you meet are your comrades, not rivals. After all, we’re all just trying to figure life out in our own ways!

This brings me to the next point…

3) Having a “me-first” attitude

Friendship is a two-way street, and it involves give and take. If you’re always putting your needs and wants first without considering your friends, it can make them feel unappreciated and overlooked.

In my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into the concept of selflessness as a key component of meaningful relationships.

The essence of this idea is about shifting the focus from “me” to “we”. It’s about acknowledging that your actions and decisions affect others, especially those closer to you.

For instance, making decisions without consulting your friends or not considering their feelings can be damaging. It might make them feel dismissed or unimportant.

So, if you want to attract better friends in life, it’s important to be considerate, empathetic, and inclusive. It’s about creating an environment where everyone feels valued and heard.

Remember the age-old saying, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” The more respect and consideration you show towards your friends, the more likely they are to reciprocate these feelings.

4) Neglecting to listen

Real talk — many of us are guilty of being poor listeners.

We’re often distracted, impatient, or even planning our response while the other person is still speaking.

We do this so unmindfully, but this behavior can create a barrier in our relationships. It signifies a lack of interest or empathy towards the other person’s experiences or feelings.

If you want to gain better friends as you age, it’s crucial to cultivate good listening skills. Try active listening, a communication technique where you fully focus on the speaker, understand their message, respond appropriately, and then remember what’s been said.

Active listening not only makes the speaker feel valued and understood but also opens up doors for deeper and more meaningful conversations. It helps to build trust and respect in your relationships, attracting better friends into your life.

5) Avoiding conflict

Now, this might sound counter-intuitive. After all, isn’t conflict something negative that should be avoided in friendships?

While it’s true that constant arguing and fighting can be harmful, avoiding conflict altogether can be equally damaging. It can lead to resentment and misunderstandings, which are toxic to any relationship.

The key here is how you handle the conflict. Healthy disagreements can actually strengthen your friendship, as they allow for open communication and understanding of each other’s perspectives.

As researcher and professor Dr. Elizabeth Dorrance Hall explains, “Conflict provides an opportunity for making change — if both parties are up for it. Conflict gives you a chance to work on the problems in your relationship.”

In fact, it’s often through resolving conflicts that we grow and learn more about ourselves and others. It fosters mutual respect and deepens the bond between friends.

So don’t shy away from conflicts. Instead, learn to navigate them in a healthy and constructive way. It’s not about winning an argument but understanding each other better.

6) Neglecting self-care

Here’s something that might surprise you. How you treat yourself can have a big impact on how others perceive and treat you.

When you neglect self-care, it can manifest in various ways – you might become irritable, stressed, or even project your frustrations onto others.

Needless to say, these behaviors can strain your friendships.

Contrarily, when you take care of your own physical and emotional needs, it reflects positively on your interactions with others. You’re more likely to be patient, understanding, and positive.

Positivity attracts people, so if you want to gain better friends as you get older, start by taking care of yourself.

7) Not expressing gratitude

Speaking of positivity, another habit that really boosts it is expressing gratitude.

It’s such a simple act that can have a significant impact on your friendships. Yet, it’s often overlooked or taken for granted.

When you genuinely thank your friends for their support, kindness, or even their company, it shows them that you value and appreciate them. It also reinforces the positive aspects of your friendship, making it stronger and more fulfilling.

However, if you routinely take your friends for granted without expressing your appreciation, they may start to feel unappreciated or undervalued. This can lead to a deterioration of the friendship over time.

Be the friend who knows how to say “thank you”. It can go a long way in nurturing and strengthening your friendships.

Final thoughts

I guess what it all comes down to is that if you want to gain better friends as you get older, you’ve got to be a better friend, too.

That means being mindful of how your actions and attitudes affect the people around you. It’s about letting go of habits that create distance and focusing on behaviors that foster trust, respect, and connection.

Like I said earlier, friendship is a two-way street. The more open, understanding, and authentic you are, the more likely you are to attract people who share those same qualities.

By saying goodbye to the behaviors that hold you back, you make room for deeper, more fulfilling relationships—the kind that grow stronger with time and bring real joy into your life.