We all want to be someone our children can look up to—not just as a parent, but as a person. The kind of role model who inspires them to grow into compassionate, strong, and principled individuals.
But here’s the thing: sometimes, the habits we hold onto can stand in the way of being the best, most inspiring version of ourselves.
Today, we’re exploring 7 of these habits that might be keeping you from being the role model your kids deserve.
Let’s dive in and make those changes together.
1) Negative self-talk
The way you speak to yourself matters—not just for your own well-being, but for the example you set for your children.
Constantly putting yourself down or doubting your abilities sends a message to your kids, whether you realize it or not. It teaches them that self-criticism is normal and that being hard on yourself is acceptable.
Think about it: Would you want your child to call themselves “stupid” after making a mistake, or to feel unworthy because of a setback?
Of course not. Yet, when we engage in negative self-talk, we model that very behavior.
Instead, show your kids what self-compassion looks like. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on without tearing yourself down.
Replace harsh words with constructive ones—“I’ll do better next time” instead of “I’m such a failure.”
Your children are always listening, and by treating yourself with kindness and respect, you’re teaching them to do the same.
2) Losing your temper
We all have moments when our patience wears thin. I remember this one time when my daughter spilled her juice all over the new carpet. I felt my anger rising, my cheeks burning, and my voice about to shout – but then I stopped.
I realized that if I lost my temper, all she would see is an adult who can’t control their emotions. And that’s not the example I wanted to set.
Reacting impulsively in anger doesn’t teach children how to handle difficult situations. Instead, take deep breaths, count to ten, or do whatever you need to calm down before responding.
It’s about showing your children how to handle frustration and disappointment in a mature way.
3) Avoiding difficult conversations
This is a big one.
Whether it’s addressing a conflict, admitting a mistake, or talking about sensitive topics, shying away from these discussions sends a message to your children that it’s okay to sidestep uncomfortable truths.
Additionally, as psychotherapist Jennifer Gerlach has noted, “Evading difficult conversations can lead to miscommunication, relationship breakdown, and compromised values.”
When we avoid these moments, we not only risk damaging our relationships but also miss opportunities to model honesty, integrity, and resilience.
By facing difficult conversations head-on, you show your children the importance of open communication and problem-solving.
It teaches them that addressing challenges, rather than ignoring them, leads to growth and stronger relationships.
4) Being glued to your devices
In this digital age, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of social media, emails, and endless notifications.
But when your attention is constantly on your phone or laptop, you’re missing out on real-life moments with your children.
When you’re with your children, be present. Put your phone away during meal times, playtimes or when they are sharing their day with you.
This not only shows them that they are important and valued but also sets a healthy example of technology use.
5) Not admitting when you’re wrong
No one likes to admit they’ve made a mistake, but refusing to do so can send the wrong message to your children.
When we act like we’re always right, we inadvertently teach them that admitting fault is a weakness—when in reality, it’s a sign of strength and self-awareness.
Owning up to your mistakes shows your kids that everyone, even parents, are human and imperfect. It demonstrates humility, accountability, and a willingness to grow—all traits we hope to instill in our children.
Think about it: If you never admit when you’re wrong, how can you expect your kids to take responsibility for their actions?
By modeling this behavior, you teach them that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you acknowledge them, apologize when needed, and take steps to do better.
6) Prioritizing work over family
This is one I know all too well. I’m not proud to admit that I’ve had my fair share of late nights at the office, missing family dinners and bedtime stories.
It took a while, but I finally realized that while my work is important, it shouldn’t always take precedence over my family.
Your children won’t remember the emails you sent or the deals you closed. But they will remember the times you weren’t there.
Finding a balance between work and family life isn’t easy, but it’s crucial. Show your children that they are your priority, and you’ll set an example they’ll aspire to emulate in their own lives.
7) Not practicing what you preach
Last, but definitely not least, is the habit of saying one thing and doing another.
Children are incredibly observant, and they learn far more from what you do than what you say. If your actions don’t align with your words, it sends a confusing message and undermines your credibility as a role model.
For example, telling your kids to be kind while speaking harshly to others, or encouraging them to take care of their health while neglecting your own, creates a disconnect.
It teaches them that values are negotiable and that it’s okay to ignore the principles you claim to stand for.
Practicing what you preach isn’t about being perfect—it’s about striving to live authentically and consistently with the values you want to instill in your children.
When your words and actions align, you build trust, respect, and a deeper connection with your kids.
Letting go of this habit takes effort, but it’s worth it. Show your children that integrity isn’t just something you talk about—it’s something you live every day.
Final thoughts
Being the kind of person your children can truly admire starts with letting go of habits that don’t serve you—or them.
By embracing humility, honesty, and authenticity, you set a powerful example that shapes not only their future but also your relationship with them.
You don’t have to be perfect, though. It’s about progress, not perfection. Start with one step, and watch how it transforms your connection and the legacy you leave behind.
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