There’s a thin line between being genuinely nice and merely pretending to be. It all boils down to actions, specifically subtle behaviors that can reveal someone’s true character.
Spotting these behaviors isn’t always easy, but it’s key to understanding who’s genuinely good-hearted and who’s just putting on a show.
Keep an eye out for these 8 subtle behaviors – they’re telltale signs that someone might not be as nice as they seem. Let me guide you through the signs to look out for – it’s all about reading between the lines.
1) They’re constantly negative
Have you ever been around someone who always seems to see the glass as half empty?
Negativity can be a subtle sign that someone isn’t as nice as they seem. Sure, we all have our off days, but if every conversation with this person leaves you feeling drained or down, that’s not a good sign.
Negativity breeds negativity. It can be toxic and contagious. And often, people who are chronically negative will try to bring others down with them.
It’s not just about being a Debbie Downer, though. Someone who is constantly negative may also be quick to criticize or complain, often without offering any solutions or alternatives.
Genuinely nice people, on the other hand, tend to be more positive and uplifting. They focus on solutions rather than problems and try to make others feel good rather than bringing them down.
2) They’re not genuinely happy for others
I remember I had a friend back in college who always seemed to struggle with being genuinely happy for other people. When something good happened for one of us, instead of sharing in the joy, she’d often make a snide comment or somehow turn the conversation back to her.
This subtle behavior is a telling sign that someone might not be as nice as they seem. Genuinely nice people are able to celebrate the successes of others without feeling threatened or envious. They recognize that someone else’s success doesn’t diminish their own.
My friend’s inability to be happy for others was a red flag. It showed a lack of empathy and a self-centered mindset, traits that aren’t usually associated with truly nice people.
3) They’re always the victim
Some people seem to be perpetually caught in a cycle of misfortune, or so they want you to believe. They paint themselves as the constant victim, where every misstep or mishap is someone else’s fault.
Psychologists refer to this as playing the victim card, a behavior that can be linked to several personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to draw in sympathy and evade responsibility.
Nice people, however, typically own up to their mistakes and accept the consequences. They recognize that life isn’t always fair, but they don’t use that as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
4) They’re rarely reliable
There’s something to be said about a person who keeps their word. It’s a sign of respect, integrity, and reliability.
But, have you ever known someone who consistently falls short on their promises? They’re always late, frequently cancel plans, or just don’t follow through on commitments.
This behavior can be a subtle sign that they don’t respect your time or value your relationship. Sure, everyone has moments where life gets in the way, but if it’s a consistent pattern, it may be a red flag.
Genuinely nice people value their relationships and strive to be reliable. They understand that their actions impact others and aim to uphold their commitments.
If you notice someone is rarely reliable, it might be time to reassess their character.
5) They lack empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what allows us to connect on a deeper level, to comfort a grieving friend, or simply to enjoy shared joy.
But some people struggle with empathy. They find it hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, to truly understand what they’re feeling. You might notice this when they dismiss your feelings, make light of serious situations, or fail to offer comfort when you’re upset.
This lack of empathy can be a subtle sign that someone isn’t as nice as they seem. Because at the heart of niceness is empathy; the ability to care for and about others.
If someone lacks empathy, it’s not just about them being potentially unkind. It’s about them lacking a fundamental skill for human connection and compassion. And that’s not a sign of a truly nice person.
6) They gossip a lot
I’ve had a taste of how harmful gossip can be. It can ruin relationships, breed mistrust, and create an environment of negativity. There was a time when I was the subject of idle gossip, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience.
Some people seem to thrive on gossip. They’re always the first to know the latest rumors and the last to keep them to themselves. But it’s important to remember that someone who gossips with you will likely gossip about you.
Genuinely nice people don’t engage in harmful gossip. They understand that it’s damaging and unnecessary. Instead, they focus on uplifting conversations and building others up.
7) They’re quick to judge
We all have our moments of snap judgements, but some people seem to have a knack for it. They’re quick to judge others without knowing the full story, often jumping to conclusions based on superficial or incomplete information.
This behaviour can be a subtle sign that someone isn’t as nice as they seem. They may be more interested in forming their own narrative than understanding the truth.
Genuinely nice people, on the other hand, tend to be more understanding and patient. They take the time to understand the situation and the person before forming an opinion.
8) They make you feel bad about yourself
The most telling sign that someone isn’t a nice person is how they make you feel. If being around them consistently leaves you feeling bad about yourself, that’s a major red flag.
Nice people encourage and uplift those around them. They make you feel good about yourself, not the opposite.
No one has the right to make you feel inferior. If someone does, it’s a clear sign they’re not as nice as they seem.
The final piece: It’s about respect
At the heart of all human interactions lies a fundamental principle: respect. It’s the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, be it personal or professional.
These subtle behaviors we’ve discussed serve as indicators, giving us insights into a person’s character. But remember, no one is perfect. We all have our flaws and our moments of weakness.
What truly sets nice people apart is their consistent effort to respect others, regardless of the situation. They understand the value of kindness, empathy, and positive reinforcement.
So, as you navigate through your social interactions, keep these signs in mind. But also remember to look beyond them – to see the efforts made, the words spoken in kindness, and the actions taken with respect.
Because ultimately, a truly nice person is one who respects others and themselves, and that’s something worth reflecting on.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
