How to find love within yourself

It’s a curious thing, our search for love.

We often seek it in the eyes of others, in their smiles, and in their words.

We look for love outside ourselves, hoping to find it in the validation we receive from friends, family, and lovers.

But what if I told you the most profound love you’ll ever experience is already within you?

I used to believe that love and validation could only be found through achievements, relationships, or the admiration of others.

It wasn’t until I turned inward that I truly discovered what it meant to love myself.

Let me take you through my journey on how to find love within yourself.

1) Self-compassion isn’t self-indulgence

Many people confuse self-compassion with indulgence.

But there’s a key difference: self-indulgence is seeking instant gratification, often at the expense of long-term growth and well-being.

On the other hand, self-compassion is about treating yourself with kindness and patience, especially when things get tough.

There was a time when I mistakenly turned to distractions to avoid facing difficult emotions, mistaking it for self-love.

True self-compassion, though, involves embracing and honoring all aspects of our experience—even the uncomfortable parts.

It’s about recognizing your fears and mistakes and still choosing to extend kindness to yourself. Acknowledging our humanity helps us remember we’re all works in progress.

Start practicing self-love by exercising self-compassion. Learn to embrace your imperfections and allow yourself to be human.

2) Embrace your true self

Society often pushes us to fit into predefined molds of success and happiness.

We’re taught to believe that love and acceptance only come when we conform.

For years, without even noticing, I conformed to external expectations, thinking it would bring love and validation.

Yet, all it did was distance me from my authentic self.

Authenticity is about accepting who you truly are—your quirks, passions, and unique traits.

Living in line with your values, even when they deviate from societal norms, is the key to finding peace and self-love.

Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

So, live authentically!

The love you seek starts with being true to who you are.

3) Learn from your relationships

Relationships act as mirrors.

The way we engage with others reflects how we treat and perceive ourselves.

Healthy relationships require us to first build a strong, loving connection with ourselves.

When we learn to nurture self-love, we stop relying on others to fill emotional gaps.

We become better equipped to set boundaries, communicate our needs, and attract people who respect and love us for who we are, not who we try to be.

For years, I found myself stuck in cycles of unhealthy relationship patterns.

It wasn’t until I discovered The Art of Love and Intimacy, a masterclass by shaman Rudá Iandê, that I began to see relationships differently.

This masterclass, which dismantles the myths of perfect partners and ideal relationships, grounded me in the reality of love and taught me to embrace my present circumstances.

One of the most valuable lessons was realizing that external relationships often mirror the internal relationship we have with ourselves.

By understanding this, I began to take responsibility for my own emotional growth.

The masterclass challenges conventional ideas of love and encourages self-empowerment.

It guides you to break free from toxic cycles and cultivate deeper, meaningful connections.

Take a step toward authentic connection by recognizing that the love in your life begins with the love you give yourself.

4) Break free from societal conditioning

We’re often conditioned to believe that love and approval come from external sources, requiring us to look, act, or behave in a certain way.

For much of my life, I tried to fit into molds that didn’t resonate with my true self, chasing external validation.

But no amount of external affirmation can fill the void left by a lack of self-love.

The path to self-love involves unlearning this conditioning.

We must learn to recognize and reject the false ideals imposed on us, while embracing our inherent worth.

Realizing that your value isn’t determined by how others see you is key to deep self-love.

It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for lasting fulfillment.

What conditioning do you need to break free from to love yourself more fully?

Consider this an invitation to reflect deeply on that.

5) Redefine failure as growth

We tend to view failure as a sign of inadequacy, a confirmation that we’re not good enough.

But failure is not an indictment of our worth—it’s a tool for growth.

Each failure presents an opportunity to learn, adapt, and improve.

It’s through these missteps that we discover our strengths and areas for development, which ultimately leads to deeper self-compassion.

As noted in a Lifehack article, many highly successful people, from Walt Disney to Oprah Winfrey, experienced significant failures before reaching success.

Their setbacks became valuable lessons that fueled their eventual achievements, demonstrating that failure is a crucial part of growth and resilience.

And if you think about it, the percentage of failures that successful people experience is much higher than average.

The reason for this is that they try many more times, persisting until they find success.

Personally, my failures have been my greatest teachers.

They’ve shown me resilience, strength, and the ability to grow beyond my limitations.

Instead of fearing failure, see it as a friend. It’s an essential part of your self-love journey.

6) Cultivate gratitude

On the journey to self-love, it’s easy to focus on what we lack or what we want to change.

But gratitude is a powerful antidote to this.

Gratitude shifts our focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant.

It allows us to appreciate our uniqueness, accomplishments, and even our failures.

It helps us recognize all the wonderful things in our lives and how far we’ve come.

Here’s a simple exercise: think back to yourself 5 years ago—what would that version of you think about where you are today?

Establishing a daily gratitude practice has profoundly shaped my path to self-love.

It’s allowed me to embrace my journey—ups and downs included—and love myself more fully.

Taking a moment each day to appreciate yourself is a small but powerful act of self-love.

7) Surround yourself with support

Self-love doesn’t have to be a solo journey. In fact, the people around us play a significant role in our ability to love and accept ourselves.

Relationships can either lift us up or weigh us down.

They can affirm our worth or make us question it.

That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with people who value and respect you.

I’ve been fortunate to have a community that supports me through life’s highs and lows.

They remind me of my worth when I forget it myself.

Creating a supportive circle of loved ones is essential for finding love within.

You deserve to be surrounded by people who see your value and reflect it back to you.

Embracing the path to self-love

In exploring self-love, we’ve uncovered key practices that help foster a deeper connection with ourselves.

For those ready to take their journey further, I highly recommend The Art of Love and Intimacy masterclass by Rudá Iandê.

This course challenges societal conditioning around love, helping you break free from limiting beliefs and cultivate emotional independence.

The lessons from the masterclass align beautifully with the principles we’ve explored here.

They highlight the importance of authenticity and remind us that our external relationships reflect our internal relationship with ourselves.

By watching this masterclass, you’ll gain tools and insights that will enrich your journey toward self-love, helping you cultivate more fulfilling relationships and deeper connections with yourself.

After all, finding love within is the ultimate transformation!