8 phrases manipulative people use to blame others for their actions

There’s a thin line between influence and manipulation, and it’s all about intention.

Manipulation is about getting others to act in your favor, often without their knowledge or against their will. This is particularly evident when individuals use specific phrases to shift blame for their actions onto others.

In this article, we’ll be looking at 8 such phrases that manipulative people use to deflect responsibility. Knowing these phrases can help you identify and steer clear of manipulative tactics.

Let’s get started.

1) “You’re being over-sensitive”

Manipulation often involves playing with emotions, and one of the most common tactics is invalidation.

When someone is accused of being “over-sensitive”, it implies that their feelings or reactions are not valid or reasonable. It’s a classic move to shift blame onto the person who is expressing discomfort or dissatisfaction.

Imagine a scenario where someone consistently arrives late to meetings. When confronted about it, they respond with, “You’re being over-sensitive. It’s just a few minutes.” Instead of taking responsibility for their tardiness, they’re dismissing the other person’s feelings and turning it into their issue.

This phrase is often used to deflect blame and make the other person feel guilty for voicing their concerns. Recognizing this tactic can help you respond more effectively and avoid falling into the manipulation trap.

2) “I didn’t mean to…”

We’ve all heard this one before, and I can recall a personal experience where it was used to dodge responsibility.

I had a friend who would constantly make snide remarks about my choices, whether it was about my outfits, my taste in music, or even my career decisions. When I finally gathered the courage to confront her about it, her response was, “I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just joking.”

This phrase is a classic manipulation tool. It serves to deflect blame by suggesting that the impact of their actions should be overlooked because they didn’t ‘intend’ to cause harm. However, the issue here is not about intent but about impact – the impact their words or actions had on others.

Just because someone didn’t ‘mean’ to hurt you doesn’t mean they’re not responsible for their actions or words.

3) “If you hadn’t…”

This phrase is a masterclass in blame shifting. It’s about pointing fingers at someone else for one’s own actions or mistakes.

Consider an employee who misses a deadline and says, “If you hadn’t given me so much work, I would have finished the project on time.” Here, the blame for missing the deadline is being shifted onto you, instead of the person owning up to their inability to manage their time effectively.

People who consistently shift blame onto others are often battling their own feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure.

4) “Everyone thinks that…”

Using the consensus of a group as a shield is another common tactic manipulative people use to shift blame.

For instance, if someone says, “Everyone thinks that you’re being unreasonable,” it’s an attempt to make you feel isolated and wrong, even if ‘everyone’ does not necessarily share this opinion.

This phrase is a manipulative way of making their opinion seem like a universally accepted truth. By making you feel like you’re the one at odds with everyone else, they manage to shift the blame onto you.

Just because someone claims ‘everyone’ thinks a certain way, it doesn’t mean it’s true.

5) “You always…”

This phrase is a manipulation classic. By generalizing your actions with an ‘always’ or ‘never’, the manipulator attempts to paint a picture where you’re the consistent wrongdoer.

Let’s say someone always brings up past mistakes in arguments and says, “You always mess things up”. It’s not just hurtful but also a deflection from the current issue at hand.

Such phrases can be emotionally draining and can make you question your self-worth. However, it’s essential to remember that these are manipulation tactics, not reflections of your character.

6) “I’m not perfect”

This phrase, while seemingly honest and humble, can be a manipulative tactic when used to avoid taking responsibility for harmful actions.

For instance, after hurting someone’s feelings, a manipulator might say, “I’m not perfect, you know. I make mistakes.” While it’s true that nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes, this phrase can become a shield to hide behind, deflecting blame and avoiding responsibility.

I’ve dealt with this in my own life. A person close to me would often act thoughtlessly and then use the “I’m not perfect” line as their go-to defense. It took me a while to realize that this phrase was being used as an excuse to avoid acknowledging their hurtful behavior.

It’s vital to remember that recognizing imperfections does not absolve one of accountability. Recognizing this phrase can help you see through such manipulation tactics.

7) “You’re just misunderstanding me”

This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a manipulative tactic where the person makes you question your understanding and perception of the situation.

For instance, when confronted about their behavior, a manipulator might say, “You’re just misunderstanding me. That’s not what I meant.” They’re shifting the blame onto you, making it seem as though the issue lies with your comprehension rather than their actions or words.

Remember that manipulation often starts subtly, and phrases like these can be signs of more significant issues. Recognizing this phrase can help you identify manipulation early on and take steps to address it.

8) “It’s just a joke”

This phrase is a common manipulation tactic used to dismiss hurtful comments or actions. By passing off their behavior as a ‘joke’, manipulators attempt to shift the blame onto the person who feels hurt, suggesting they are lacking a sense of humor or overreacting.

It’s never okay for someone to belittle your feelings or use humor as an excuse for unacceptable behavior. Recognizing this phrase can help you stand up against such manipulation.

Final thought: It’s about awareness

Understanding these eight phrases used by manipulators to shift blame can give us a vital tool to navigate these complexities. Recognizing them can help us maintain our emotional health and preserve our relationships’ integrity.

But remember, this isn’t about assigning labels or casting judgment. It’s about becoming more aware of the dynamics that play out in our interactions.

So, as you move forward, keep these phrases in mind. Not to point fingers, but to foster understanding, to ensure your voice is heard and respected, and most importantly, to safeguard against manipulation. Awareness is, after all, the first step towards change.