Managing personal life and familial responsibilities is a delicate balancing act, especially when those responsibilities involve an estranged family member facing homelessness. It’s even more challenging when you’re trying to protect the sanctity of your new family in a tiny apartment.
A 30-year-old man on Reddit found himself in this exact predicament, torn between offering his older brother shelter and preserving his newly formed family’s privacy. In his post, he shares his dilemma, sparking a lively discussion on familial obligation, personal boundaries, and the struggles of adulthood.
Man grapples with family obligations while safeguarding his own
In the Reddit thread, the 30-year-old man, who goes by the username deedeemegadoodooRIP, described his complicated predicament. His older brother, aged 50, was facing eviction and had asked him for a place to stay. However, the man was hesitant due to his brother’s history of poor decision-making and an unstable lifestyle that he feared would disrupt his own family’s life.
He explained, “Long story short, my partner just gave birth to our child. It’s just me, her and the baby in a small apartment. My brother is getting evicted and asking to move in with me but I’m afraid his lifestyle along with his decision making just make it an impossible thing to do.”
Adding to the complexity of the situation was the fact that his partner was strongly against the idea. The man was already struggling financially and felt he needed all his resources and energy for his own immediate family. He also expressed feelings of resentment towards his brother, who he believed had benefited more from their parents’ support during their lifetime.
The man was clear about his boundaries, stating, “I told him I’d go as far as to help store some of his items and offer the occasional shower/meal. Pretty much all I can do.”
The Reddit community’s response was resoundingly supportive of the man’s decision. Many users referenced the importance of safeguarding one’s immediate family and setting boundaries with relatives. A user VinylHighway highlighted that “Eviction doesn’t mean bankrupt,” indicating that the older brother had time to find a solution before being evicted.
Others noted that at 50 years old, the brother should have been able to manage his life better. User StAlvis succinctly stated, “If you don’t have your shit together by 50, there’s no helping you.”
While the dilemma sparked a discussion on familial obligations and personal boundaries, the consensus was clear: the man was not the asshole for prioritizing his immediate family over his estranged brother.
More details about the brother’s circumstances
The complexity of the situation deepened when the man revealed more details about his brother’s circumstances. According to his comments, his brother had lost his job four months prior and had been unable to secure new employment due to not having proper identification – which he had lost approximately 4-5 years ago and never replaced. The eviction notice had been served the previous month, leaving him with just two weeks to find alternative housing.
This revelation sparked a heated discussion about personal responsibility and adult independence. Many commenters pointed out that the brother’s pattern of procrastination and poor planning was evident in his handling of basic life responsibilities. As one user noted, “My man… I lost my ID once. I went onto the state DMV website and had a new one mailed to me that same day.”
A particularly insightful comment came from a self-identified former landlord-tenant attorney who now works with homeless services. They explained that eviction processes typically take months, suggesting that the brother had waited until the last possible moment to address his housing crisis. The legal expert noted, “Unfortunately, I have come to understand that many people who experience homelessness are their own worst problems… Your brother sounds like one of those people who has chosen not to be responsible or deal with his own problems and now expects you and your wife to inconvenience yourselves in a way he won’t inconvenience himself for his own good.”
The man later revealed that he had previously allowed his brother to live with him before his current relationship and child, adding another layer to his reluctance. “I’m just tired of doing the active role of older brother, when I could really use an older brother myself,” he explained, though he acknowledged feeling guilty about resenting his brother’s closer relationship with their deceased parents.
Community members offered practical alternatives to complete housing assistance. Many suggested helping the brother locate local shelters, assisting with paperwork for benefits, or offering limited support like occasional meals and shower access – which aligned with the solution the man ultimately chose. Others emphasized the importance of maintaining clear boundaries, warning that temporary arrangements often become permanent when dealing with someone showing a pattern of dependency.
The story sparked broader discussions about familial obligations versus personal boundaries, particularly in the context of new parenthood. Many commenters emphasized that the presence of a newborn baby made the situation particularly sensitive, with one user noting, “That time is needed to heal and learn the ropes of parenting. Having a hobo in the home would make it unbearable.”
In the end, the man’s decision to offer limited assistance while maintaining firm boundaries about housing garnered overwhelming support from the Reddit community. His story serves as a poignant reminder that sometimes the most responsible form of family support involves setting clear limitations and encouraging self-reliance, rather than enabling patterns of dependency that could potentially harm multiple generations.
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